tortureresponse

ok, so i lied... i cannot speak less of my hate any more than i can speak less of the air that i breathe. it permeates my being, following through my veins like black ice. it is the god that never has abandoned me. i have made the mistake of letting go to that side of me. the consequence is the assimilation of me to it. it gives me life more than anything else.

love will conquer the demon. i keep telling myself this, but the more i give in the side of me that i've repressed for so long, the less i'm sure. i feel something ultra violent coming. it seems like a race until the hours until i get into her arms or this apocalypice of my soul transpires. something horrific is seeking me out, and i'm unconscienceously calling it. nothing is sacred anymore, so what does it matter. i can take anything. if i can't, then i'll die leaving scars so deep, god himself will weep. the lie has been in me; i'm no angel, i am hell incarnate. the closer to the abyss i get, the more comfortable i become. the angel wings i thought i had were an illusion and my flesh bleeds to be what it should be.

i am not what i thought i was, i am not who i thought i was. the essence of me is the same, but what stands in the place of my soul isn't quite right. i am considering changing my name because the person i thought i was is dead and something new is emerging....

you should know this, because i'm coming home.... please, know me the way the think you do.... i am heaven and i am hell... whichever one you want is up to you.... don't diminish me... i need you, i worship you, i love you and i hate you... i'm coming home, know me.