well... sadly, i had to cancel my membership here... so while i wait for it to go through, i thought i'd make one last entry.
everything remains to be seen, but i've lost any fears i might have had about my life, my future, or anything else. i claim full responsibility of my path, my destiny, my choices and my damnation. my inertia has been...
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everything remains to be seen, but i've lost any fears i might have had about my life, my future, or anything else. i claim full responsibility of my path, my destiny, my choices and my damnation. my inertia has been...
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today started out pretty rough and i was consumed with last nights revelations. i had no ride to work, which meant taking the bus, which i almost missed... but i got there, heh
when i got off the bus, i had about a 20min walk through the driving rain and cold wind to get to work. what started out as pretty depressing turned into something...
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when i got off the bus, i had about a 20min walk through the driving rain and cold wind to get to work. what started out as pretty depressing turned into something...
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ash:
Thats funny, quite the opposite happened to me last night. I realized that everything SUCKS horribly and nothing is going to get better because unfortunately ... everything in the universe is not in my power and I can only control so much. Many things are out of my hands, and THOSE are the things that hurt me and break me in 2 ...
meanwhile ... dad is being a cocksucker. go suck cock, dad! u fag! ugh! cocksuckingmotherfuckingblowjob
meanwhile ... dad is being a cocksucker. go suck cock, dad! u fag! ugh! cocksuckingmotherfuckingblowjob
ash:
u never write in my journal anymore 
ok, so i lied... i cannot speak less of my hate any more than i can speak less of the air that i breathe. it permeates my being, following through my veins like black ice. it is the god that never has abandoned me. i have made the mistake of letting go to that side of me. the consequence is the assimilation of me to...
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another fucking day... it's amazing what standing in the cold rain for several hours can do to your level of introspection...
i hate the world... but i'm done discussing it...
i hate inked my hate onto a thousand pages, screamed my rage into hundreds of technological devices trying to capture the abboration of my existence... enough is enough...
fuck it, it's over, i'm out
i hate the world... but i'm done discussing it...
i hate inked my hate onto a thousand pages, screamed my rage into hundreds of technological devices trying to capture the abboration of my existence... enough is enough...
fuck it, it's over, i'm out
ash:
I love you
ash:
baby where ARE u
i got home from work about an hour ago... another fucking double cuz the fat bastard i work with split his pants and had to go home and didn't come back... side note... when i thought of the word 'home', i typed the word 'work'... huh... wonder if that means anything...
anyways, in my caffine fueled sleep deprived state, i wrote something very beautiful, poetic...
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anyways, in my caffine fueled sleep deprived state, i wrote something very beautiful, poetic...
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i just suffered the worst nightmare i've had in longer than i can remember. it was a dark tale of loss and vengeance. i lost the one thing that means anything to me, and my revenge was terrible and graphic. i don't know what bothers me more... the violations that i suffered or the ease of which i had in exacting my revenge.... if dreams...
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mc_dove:
i have nighmares like that...only they're daydreams...and they're brought on like the prick at Subway giving me attitude...
http://www.comics.com/comics/getfuzzy/ read this... highly recommend 10/29, my favorite
totally reminds me of our cat...
totally reminds me of our cat...every passing night i'm haunted with visions of you, making me want you more. i tremble at thoughts of holding you. i fall apart waiting to lose myself in your eyes. my flesh is wrecked from withdrawl, the need for is slowly killing me. the dream of touching you makes me scream. distance and time can't taint what i feel. every instant is an eternity...
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ash:
and btw .. ppl know Im spoken for ... but just let them DREAM, ok? 
you know... i started out with this huge diatribe that i had concocted at work tonight after working 12hrs, but i changed my mind somewhere on the drive home... and honestly, i'm too exhausted to think of anything really cool to post... i'll post something cool tomorrow, i promise...
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ash:
UH .. CLICK ON THAT UP THERE
something really bizarre happened last night. i was driving home, blaring 'terrible lie', full of animosity towards the world. i was thinking about how once upon a time i had given myself to god. i thought about the time i used to have faith in things, when i used to believe. then something strange happened...
in the distance, farther off than i could see, there...
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in the distance, farther off than i could see, there...
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i've come to realize that i've been wasting my energy on harsh introspections instead of doing what needs to be done. i think this will be the last time i do that. i'm too hard on myself. with her, i can do anything. i know this and why i question myself, i don't know. in any event, it's over. we have each other and nothing...
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ash:
I love you so much
fucking hell...
so it seems like my job isn't working out was well as expected. whatever. i put in for a transfer anyways, so fuck them all...
i've been reading this book called 'hunger' by knut hamsun. i think it's the most depressing thing i've ever read. the story centers around a starving writer and his plight in the 1890s in germany. i mean, this...
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so it seems like my job isn't working out was well as expected. whatever. i put in for a transfer anyways, so fuck them all...
i've been reading this book called 'hunger' by knut hamsun. i think it's the most depressing thing i've ever read. the story centers around a starving writer and his plight in the 1890s in germany. i mean, this...
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ash:
POOOOOOOOOOOOOOKIEEEEEEEEEEE
I hate to come to your journal and see how miserable you are, it pains me to no end. You keep saying this isnt where you thought you'd be at this age ... but circumstances have prevented that from happening and its NOT YOUR FAULT, so stop dwelling on that and look towards the future and what THAT holds for you ... *us*. Think abt what we dreamed abt ... here at this desk Im typing at right now. Think abt all those dreams that could come true ... within the next few months, even! It can happen, and it will. Focus on that and stop thinking abt what cannot change, it will only beat yourself up and do absolutely NOTHING good.
We learn from our mistakes, baby. You've got uber strength or else I wouldnt have chosen YOU as my soul mate. Use that strength to push forward and your attitude to just say "fuck em". Just ... FUCK THAT OTHER BULLSHIT.
I love you. And you've got something that a LOT of other ppl in this world would kill for ... if killing would get them what it is they want, but it wont. YOU'VE GOT THAT and its real, and nothing can change that or take it away from you. You're upset because of MONEY? Who cares abt MONEY, you can steal it, earn it, find it on the ground walking along one day ... who CARES abt THAT? You've got something a LOT more precious than money ...
I hate to come to your journal and see how miserable you are, it pains me to no end. You keep saying this isnt where you thought you'd be at this age ... but circumstances have prevented that from happening and its NOT YOUR FAULT, so stop dwelling on that and look towards the future and what THAT holds for you ... *us*. Think abt what we dreamed abt ... here at this desk Im typing at right now. Think abt all those dreams that could come true ... within the next few months, even! It can happen, and it will. Focus on that and stop thinking abt what cannot change, it will only beat yourself up and do absolutely NOTHING good.
We learn from our mistakes, baby. You've got uber strength or else I wouldnt have chosen YOU as my soul mate. Use that strength to push forward and your attitude to just say "fuck em". Just ... FUCK THAT OTHER BULLSHIT.
I love you. And you've got something that a LOT of other ppl in this world would kill for ... if killing would get them what it is they want, but it wont. YOU'VE GOT THAT and its real, and nothing can change that or take it away from you. You're upset because of MONEY? Who cares abt MONEY, you can steal it, earn it, find it on the ground walking along one day ... who CARES abt THAT? You've got something a LOT more precious than money ...
ash:
yes Im online
"Hi!"
Damn I'm hungry for the weekend
~Nightmares~