tortor

I'm so tired of being my supposed "friends" punching bag. Ya ever just feel so unappreciated you could puke? Why do I constantly surround myself with people who basically take me for granted? They want and want, and I give and give, and they take and take. Where the fuck do I fit in in all of this? When do I reap some of the benefits of all my giving. Just once, I'd like a friend to put me before themselves for a change. I've grown so used to being the eternal doormat that I was beginning to lose touch with the reality of the way real friendhsips should be.

I've finally taken notice: maybe THIS is one of the reasons I'm so unhappy. How can you possibly love and respect yourself, when those closest to you don't even take the time.

I've always gotta be the one calling, emailing, playing personal cheerleader, blowing sunshine up everyone's self-important ass. Why? Why am I so damn lonely all the time.

I honestly think the only one who gives a shit about me anymore and thinks I'm worth a fuck is Jonathan. I love him to no end, and it's great to have his love and companionship. But is it so hard to get it from other people?

Apparently.

Not that this is directed to any one person in particular. I think everyone has played their part in this and oh the fuck well, right?

I suppose I'm just going to be everyone's perpetual fucking hemorrhoid, that endless nagging pain in their ass til they fucking die.

Good to know I have a purpose at the very least.

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"Long ago, there was something in me, but now that thing is gone. Now that thing is gone, that thing is gone. I cannot cry, I cannot care. That thing is there no more."
-F. Scott Fitzgerald