i gave up dj'ing out 6.5 years ago. i sold my gear, 3,000 records and a lifetime's obession. i was good. really good. i had just spoken to an agent when things started going wrong. started falling down, my voice started slurring, i started seeing blurring. i didn't what was happening to me. it was the scariest time of my life. i though i was going to die.
i found out i had MS. a neurological disease. the first year i pretended i didn't and ran from it. the next i went on a health binge and became super fit. then i kind of levelled off and let life catch up to me and the problems that come with it. oh the problems came. bit by bit i dealt with them. i'm almost done that.
today i'm ok. i have some symptons. i get tired at times. i don't have the best balance, i have random and spontaneous bouts of pain, but i'm ok. i don't take any medication or treatment and i try to take care of myself. like anyone else i'm not perfect and my life has it's challenges. i take mine head on. for a guy my age, with my past i'm in pretty alright shape. i kind of let it go this past year and i'm working on getting it back. i still wank way too much, that's a good sign heh.
i look at life differently. i still struggle with self esteem. am i worth as much now? its always a tough question. for the most part i am one of the nicest guys i know and full of love, but pretty reserved when it comes to dating and relationships. almost clueless when it comes to the signs. i need to reawaken to that part of myself. i think this year, with hopefully getting ahead at work, buying a home and anchoring myself a bit that some confidence will come with it. i may start boxing again i dunno. first let's try to get into the y 3 times a week haha.
i still dj. i do it at home and online. about 500 people world-wide follow my mixes and my friends like them. my promoter friends would likely consider having me play out again, but those days have past. i like going out and dancing. seeing what the kids these days are coming up with. being a music snob heh. it wasn't my path. and i'm ok with that. it's my love and will always be.
photography. a dj mix set.
music is my higher power. it can take me places nothing else can. it does so every day. for that i am the luckiest man i know. gratitude. i am grateful for every fucking thing. seriously. like totally seriously. really.
i found out i had MS. a neurological disease. the first year i pretended i didn't and ran from it. the next i went on a health binge and became super fit. then i kind of levelled off and let life catch up to me and the problems that come with it. oh the problems came. bit by bit i dealt with them. i'm almost done that.
today i'm ok. i have some symptons. i get tired at times. i don't have the best balance, i have random and spontaneous bouts of pain, but i'm ok. i don't take any medication or treatment and i try to take care of myself. like anyone else i'm not perfect and my life has it's challenges. i take mine head on. for a guy my age, with my past i'm in pretty alright shape. i kind of let it go this past year and i'm working on getting it back. i still wank way too much, that's a good sign heh.
i look at life differently. i still struggle with self esteem. am i worth as much now? its always a tough question. for the most part i am one of the nicest guys i know and full of love, but pretty reserved when it comes to dating and relationships. almost clueless when it comes to the signs. i need to reawaken to that part of myself. i think this year, with hopefully getting ahead at work, buying a home and anchoring myself a bit that some confidence will come with it. i may start boxing again i dunno. first let's try to get into the y 3 times a week haha.
i still dj. i do it at home and online. about 500 people world-wide follow my mixes and my friends like them. my promoter friends would likely consider having me play out again, but those days have past. i like going out and dancing. seeing what the kids these days are coming up with. being a music snob heh. it wasn't my path. and i'm ok with that. it's my love and will always be.
photography. a dj mix set.
music is my higher power. it can take me places nothing else can. it does so every day. for that i am the luckiest man i know. gratitude. i am grateful for every fucking thing. seriously. like totally seriously. really.
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^ This.
Good going TKM <3
it felt really good to say that out loud. like an exhale i've been holding for years. thank you all for reading it. <3 thanks.