torontokillsme

today was awesome pffff.... i completely forgot to set my alarm for work and slept until 9.45am, woke up in a panic and txted my boss, then duh went BACK to sleep for another two hours before she txted asking where the hell i was... needless to say i was flash lightning getting dressed and into a cab,

once there nothing to do. not until like 5pm when i had to layout a program for an awards ceremony. left work at 6,

i'll be bright and early tomorrow. that's for sure.

i've been MIA amongst my friends and facebook for a few days, i almost like being off the map. tend to be self isolating in nature, too much of that though and i end up in trouble. so tomorrow i'll make some calls and get out.


been working out, but the weight's not coming off. need to increase the intensity, need better music. thinking seriously about switching to nothing but protein shakes and supplements for a few weeks to get the ball rolling. its age too. i don't want to think about age or the mistakes i've made. or that i'll spend what's left of life alone. whatever.

maybe that won't be the case if i can drop the 15lbs i need to drop. get the promotion i want to get. actually buy the ridiculously overpriced condo i'm thinking about. do everything right. maybe if i do everything right, i won't be me. nah. i'll still be me.

maybe if i could look in the mirror and like what i see i wouldn't be alone. that one is more truth. and harder to fess up to. changing is hard and it happens slowly and i'm impatient. also one determined sonofabitch, i'll make it happen. that right there is part of the change. the next part is following through with it. then comes esteem. then comes confidence. then comes a smile.

it took a hell of a blow to knock me down this far, a couple of them. but i got through them. and no matter what, i always get up. always.

and there's so much amazing energy here that its gonna be infectious. for that i have gratitude that i found this place and you. thank you.