tori

So it's been about 3 months since I last rambled in this general direction.
But. That means that half the shit I may have written about has already been forgotten! So it's kind of a win-win situation!
Thanks, by the way, to all those who sent me warm birthday wishes. Despite my assholish refusal to use this silly computer mess, I was very appreciative of the sweet messages!

My father had been working on a coffee table for me forever. He gave it to me right in time for my birthday. I love it! I did, however, tear my leg up something fierce on the side of it. There was blood everywhere. That prompted some crude comments from my dear friend about using the blood as sexual lubrication. Remind me not to call him should I ever be in any kind of serious emergency situation!

For my birthday, I got a number of strange things. My grandmother gave me soup. But. At least it was vegan, and she didn't buy it off QVC. She's making improvements! My father gave me fish food. Too bad I don't own fish. He had been threatening to buy me one of these for quite some time. He thought it was the funniest thing ever. I wasn't so sure. Thankfully, he bought me some really nice spices instead- now if I could just learn to like cooking I'd be set!!

I got the biggest pumpkin ever for Halloween.

Unfortunately, it exploded before I got the chance to carve it up. Still though, it was a very lovable, huggable piece of fabulous.

Sometime in there I was invited to join some national collegiate honor society. I took them up on there offer. I figure it can't hurt. I found out I'm in the top 10% of my class. That makes me laugh. I'm such a fucking scumbag. They're just not making the school look good by singing my praises so much!

Thanksgiving was not the worst ever. I did, however, get turkey thrown at me by my father. It started out as a fight over oatmeal. I heart oatmeal. I've started eating breakfast for the first time in 20 years. Oatmeal is about all I can choke down in the morning. But. I've grown rather fond of my WWII rations for breakfast. I was out of oatmeal. My father had quite a bit. So I was searching through the house trying to find his oatmeal. When I couldn't find it, I grabbed my mother's cereal in hopes of conning her into helping me. She wasn't convinced. So I started to toss her cereal to the dogs one piece at a time- "Are you going to tell me where the oatmeal is? How about now?" You get the idea. Well. My mother's cereal was flying everywhere, so my Dad starting fighting back. With turkey. He fights dirty. I can remember years ago we were trying to hide soda from each other. I coughed on it and told him I had AIDS or something. So he buttered the rim of the soda bottle.

Nevertheless. For anyone that remembers the inflatable turkey drama from last year, it's been solved. Turkey now lives on the porch during November. Ha. Those stupid fucktards next door can't say shit now!

My friend and I shaved our initials into some poor unsuspecting guy.

My brother and his wife got a puppy. He's a newfoundland. He's going to be huge! Like 150 pounds huge! My brother said that I could come over and ride the puppy around the yard. Puppy is a bit neurotic. He decided he didn't want to poop in his crate. So he held his little puppy booty up to the bars and pooped out of it. My brother was not pleased. And he knew it. So puppy refused to come out of the crate afterwards. Puppy also is just now starting to be ok with being on man made surfaces. For awhile there he wouldn't go near them. He also starts squeaking his toys when my brother's boss calls (he has a special ringtone). Puppy is neurotic. I can't wait to see 150 pounds of neurosis!

The cats have been being all cute again. They curl up together in the winter because it gets so godawful cold in my apartment. Murphy was spooning me this morning. Every time I tried to get up she freaked out on me. I got trapped in my bed for some two hours this morning.

I found this sticker in the parking lot at the bookstore. It made me laugh. Oh. But while I was there I picked up a copy of The Unbearable Lightness of Being. I highly suggest you read it if you have not yet. It was fucking amazing. Seriously. Though it did kind of push me farther towards my cat lady goals!

I saw MC Chris play too. He was great. I am so very attracted to that tiny little man. Seriously. Sadly, he mentioned that it was probably the last tour he'll do. It's really to bad. He's always so much fun. And, he keeps the douchebags from douching out at his shows!

I went to the SG Philly event that Karma threw together last night. I'm so very impressed with her. She put together a lovely evening for a super great cause. I dragged a friend with me. We had a fabulous time. We expected to hate everyone there, but it turns out SG Philly is pretty fucking cool. I guess I should've guessed as much! It also turns out that I knew one of the DJs there from like a billion years ago. So it was good to see him, and to see that he's happy and healthy!

Oh. So anyone with any medical anything. Help? I was fairly certain I had contracted Rubella. Turns out it's mostly been eradicated and I was vaccinated as a child. I kept waking up at strange hours with a weird rash of sorts. It would come on out of nowhere. It felt and looked like a really really bad sunburn. It happened 3 times. Once at 7:30am, once at 4:30 am, and once at 3:30am. The only pattern I've noticed is that my skin only freaks when I go to bed completely sober. It lasts about 20 to 30 minutes each time. It affects everywhere save for my hands, feet, genitals and right around my nipples. I have no clue what's going on. My doctor prescribed me an antihistamine, but it didn't help at all. I don't think it's allergic- I have no allergies, not even poison ivy! It comes on out of nowhere. I've been rocking the same soap, detergent, everything for a little over forever. So no real changes there either. I have no clue. We should all have fun with WebMD. My grandmother thinks it's Tuberculosis. It was really bad the other night. I actually had some weird pain spasm and put a hole in the wall with my head. I'd like to never do that again. I still need to patch that wall up, too..

At some point my neighbor stopped paying his bills in order to buy copious amounts of shitty whiskey. Since that where I steal my internet, I had none for awhile. Lameness personified!

I went to the Mutter Museum. If you haven't been, I'd highly recommend it. I loved it. I could have spent hours there. Though, there were quite a few things there that I wish I could unsee!

I made friends with some kids that work at a Malaysian restaurant. Malaysian food is super tasty. And. Drunken boys with broken English? Even better! The guys that work there are super sweet. I'm really glad that my friends and I adopted them!

I went and saw some silly movies with friends. We saw Role Models and Zack and Miri Make a Porno. Both were super ridiculous and cute.

I got in a few fist fights. I don't remember much about them though. Not because I was drunk so much as it's no longer an out of the ordinary thing when I go out. Oops. I promise I don't start this shit.

I'm sure I've been up to a whole hell of a lot since then, but I can't think straight. I'm pretty sleepy.

But. I do look like a bum a lot of the time.

So. What have you been up to recently? What are you getting for your loved ones for the holidays? I need to steal gift ideas. I'm rather at a loss for gift ideas for people! How do you get through the holidays? I'm thinking about throwing a halloween on Christmas party. Maybe we could decorate gingerbread men with various maladies! And. I still want to go to the strip club. Last year, some friends and I were going to go on Christmas Eve to watch the girl fist her own asshole. I am way too intrigued as to how that all goes down. Still though. Nothing says yuletide like anal fisting.