I'm reposting this from my Girls Group thread because it's too long to write out again.
Okay. Deep Breath. I'm relatively upset right now so I'm gonna do my damndest to make sense of all this. Six months ago, I broke up with my fiance of three and a half years. I was still crazy in love with him but there were a thousand reasons to break up.
1)He was too old to be as mentally unstable as he was and I couldn't fathom being with him for the rest of my life anymore.
2)In fact, I never really wanted to get married to anyone and it was all he could talk about.
3)We had an "open" relationship and I had met someone else.
4)He wants to be an actor so what the fuck was he doing wasting away in Greensboro, NC waiting for my ass to graduate?
5)He bought lots of pot but could get together enough money for rent and bills every month.
6)He stopped being attracted to me... and I'm a cute chica, but even if I weren't it's amazing how much damage two years of feeling ugly to the man you love can do to your self-esteem. I used to be absolutely positive that I was fabulous and by the end of the relationship I thought I was gross. Now, I don't really blame this on him... but I certainly think it's a valid reason to breakup.
Anyway, fast foward four months. We had been through a really ridiculous breakup where he claimed to hate me because I left him and would repeatedly ask me back after saying really fucked up things. To be honest, I had kind of written him off as a psychopath who could do little damage other than emotional.
I had been taking care of our cat (who was given to him in the "divorce") because he was in a play 500 miles away. Before the cat came to me, he was so flea bitten that he was actually scratching his skin off. As the winter months came, the fleas died but the cat was still in poor shape. During the course of our relationship, I took that cat to the vet every single time. I had to get the cat neutered and vaccinated or it literally would never have been done. When the cat ran away and came back with an absessed wound I knew that if I didn't take him to the vet he wasn't going. So when this beautiful, spunky cat came to my house a howling, needy mess, I was a little upset to put it mildly. He then proceeded to LEAVE this cat with me and not come back for him when he said he would.
Fast forward two months.
It occurs to me that he should not be taking care of this cat who after one week in my care looked and acted as healthily has he had when the ex and I had lived together. I had also assumed that asshat was never coming back for his cat. One day I get an e-mail saying that he will be picking up his cat on Valentines day (which obviously, among other things, would have been our 4 year anniversary). Huh? No.
I said I wouldn't give the cat back and he told me to, "suck a dick because that's what you do best" and that he was going to burn my house down. I'm not fucking joking. After he got his mother to call me (!) and beg for me to let her take care of the cat while the ex was living w/ her (!!? What!!!? He's closer to thirty then he is to my age!!) I finally decided that it was all too much and uncharacteristically gave up. He came by my Grandmother's on Valentines day, picked up the cat, told me he was sorry and that he loved me and happy valentines day and then went on his merry way.
It is only now that I realize how much damage he has caused. He has gone around telling everyone either one of us know in Greensboro that I tried to steal his cat because I was vindictive after reading reviews online for his play and realizing that he wouldn't return to Greensboro. What!? He said that I burst in to tears when he picked the cat up and he took care of me. Huh!? He told people that I was trying to steal everything he had. Double what!? He ALSO told everyone that the reason that it got worked out was becasue he called my grandmother and, I quote "manipulated" her into convincing him that it was wrong. He called her a "sweet little jewish lady who even Lis(me) could not refuse." He never even spoke to my grandmother until the day that he picked the cat up.
I'm so angry right now that I don't know what to do. And I am pretty sure that a lot of people believe him.
Okay. Deep Breath. I'm relatively upset right now so I'm gonna do my damndest to make sense of all this. Six months ago, I broke up with my fiance of three and a half years. I was still crazy in love with him but there were a thousand reasons to break up.
1)He was too old to be as mentally unstable as he was and I couldn't fathom being with him for the rest of my life anymore.
2)In fact, I never really wanted to get married to anyone and it was all he could talk about.
3)We had an "open" relationship and I had met someone else.
4)He wants to be an actor so what the fuck was he doing wasting away in Greensboro, NC waiting for my ass to graduate?
5)He bought lots of pot but could get together enough money for rent and bills every month.
6)He stopped being attracted to me... and I'm a cute chica, but even if I weren't it's amazing how much damage two years of feeling ugly to the man you love can do to your self-esteem. I used to be absolutely positive that I was fabulous and by the end of the relationship I thought I was gross. Now, I don't really blame this on him... but I certainly think it's a valid reason to breakup.
Anyway, fast foward four months. We had been through a really ridiculous breakup where he claimed to hate me because I left him and would repeatedly ask me back after saying really fucked up things. To be honest, I had kind of written him off as a psychopath who could do little damage other than emotional.
I had been taking care of our cat (who was given to him in the "divorce") because he was in a play 500 miles away. Before the cat came to me, he was so flea bitten that he was actually scratching his skin off. As the winter months came, the fleas died but the cat was still in poor shape. During the course of our relationship, I took that cat to the vet every single time. I had to get the cat neutered and vaccinated or it literally would never have been done. When the cat ran away and came back with an absessed wound I knew that if I didn't take him to the vet he wasn't going. So when this beautiful, spunky cat came to my house a howling, needy mess, I was a little upset to put it mildly. He then proceeded to LEAVE this cat with me and not come back for him when he said he would.
Fast forward two months.
It occurs to me that he should not be taking care of this cat who after one week in my care looked and acted as healthily has he had when the ex and I had lived together. I had also assumed that asshat was never coming back for his cat. One day I get an e-mail saying that he will be picking up his cat on Valentines day (which obviously, among other things, would have been our 4 year anniversary). Huh? No.
I said I wouldn't give the cat back and he told me to, "suck a dick because that's what you do best" and that he was going to burn my house down. I'm not fucking joking. After he got his mother to call me (!) and beg for me to let her take care of the cat while the ex was living w/ her (!!? What!!!? He's closer to thirty then he is to my age!!) I finally decided that it was all too much and uncharacteristically gave up. He came by my Grandmother's on Valentines day, picked up the cat, told me he was sorry and that he loved me and happy valentines day and then went on his merry way.
It is only now that I realize how much damage he has caused. He has gone around telling everyone either one of us know in Greensboro that I tried to steal his cat because I was vindictive after reading reviews online for his play and realizing that he wouldn't return to Greensboro. What!? He said that I burst in to tears when he picked the cat up and he took care of me. Huh!? He told people that I was trying to steal everything he had. Double what!? He ALSO told everyone that the reason that it got worked out was becasue he called my grandmother and, I quote "manipulated" her into convincing him that it was wrong. He called her a "sweet little jewish lady who even Lis(me) could not refuse." He never even spoke to my grandmother until the day that he picked the cat up.
I'm so angry right now that I don't know what to do. And I am pretty sure that a lot of people believe him.
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
what a jerk. who would believe anything he says. don't worry about it, just be true to yourself and let it slide.