tonywestside

i'll begin with a thanks to those who relayed some sort of empathy my way from that last post. it's been a rough few days. as if the prior incident wasn't enough, i get the following news late last night. although before i put it out there, i suppose i should give some background.

so from second grade to like senior year of high school, i was a theater kid. mind you, in high school, i was a straight guy involved in theater who was actually pretty good, so i was a bit of a minority. in any case, in high school i went to an all boys catholic prep school. i know, crazy, right? it's actually not as bad as it might sound. but anyways, so to meet girls, i would do the shows at the all girls high school. my junior year, i started performing at the one all girls school (i was in 2 shows there, male lead both times, and that matters to the story, it isn't just me bragging or something, i don't know ANYWAYS). the director, a teacher at the school was a great guy. i loved working with him, and he was just all around awesome. around the time i met this girl (my leading lady), and we became pretty good friends, then dated for a little while, broke up. no big deal, right? high school stuff. we've gone in and out of contact for the past few years.

it was told to me last night that the director and the girl had been having an affair for 6 years or so. which started around the time we were dating, if my memory serves me correctly. he's apparently in police custody, his wife (also a teacher at this school) is divorcing, and i've heard no news about the girl, although i have the feeling her parents are probably going to kill her.

now this is bothersome for many reasons. first of all, there had been rumors of things between them for a while, and i've vehemently defended them as friends. i mean i've been a real bastard to people who've talked shit about them. and then it turns out after all this time they were right and i was wrong? it also changes a ton of things back in high school. not to mention, on a somewhat douchebag note, if things were going on with him and her, why didn't anything physical really happen between me and her? i know that kind of shallow, but whatever. and not only that, but was our dating some kind of cover for them or something? did she ever use me as a lie when she was seeing him instead?

in any case, the more i think about it, the more my self esteem becomes depleted. not to mention that after a long talk with this girl whos friends with the ex from my last post, i get the feeling she still might be harboring some affections for me, which just makes me angry considering i had to hear her and my roommate.... god, i can't even write it. i literally just gagged. how does this shit happen? what is going on anymore? why doesn't anything make any sense???

sigh.

i need a distraction. preferably one with a vagina. just kidding. or am i? i'm about 90% my sardonic nature is lost in print. que sera, sera, i suppose.