tonywestside

For some reason I always have this some stuck in head for the past few weeks or so. I'm not really sure why. It's call Bugguts and it's by Gavin Castleton. The album's done to be a sort of movie consisting of only music. It's hard to explain. Anyways, it's about love. And Zombies. According to Castelton's website, the album, HOME, is "designed to heal heartbreak." If you read all about the album and the events surrounding his life while he wrote and recorded it, it's pretty nuts. To me, it seems the album is a culmination of the hope, despair, hallucinations, and fear that comes from going in and out of serious relationships with one or more individuals. In any case, here are the lyrics to Bugguts. Worth a listen I'd say if you get the chance. Now to bed. I have a job interview tomorrow. Wish me luck, because if I don't get this job it means I have to quit smoking, pretty much stop drinking, eat out of garbage cans, be unable to pay bills, and not get to see someone uber important to me anywhere near as much as I'd like to see her. At least until I can find something else. But this one's pretty perfect. Mind you, I suppose I'm being a little melodramatic. But fuck it. Wish me luck, or say a prayer to whatever god you have. Night, kids.

-AP


BUGGUTS by Gavin Castleton

Right now I wish I was a cockroach
So when they finally get in
They wouldn't see me on the ground
You know, they always stare up and to the right,
But never look down

I would just scurry scuttle by the wall,
Around their lazy feet and out the door
And have the planet to myself again -
Find my inner peace with exoskeleton

I feel so little on the inside
But my skin is persistently life-size.
I think my body wants to get us caught
To match the outer with the inner rot

It wants to stand forever in this non-life
Always looking up and to the right
At this landscape consisting only of swallowed flesh
Unswallowed fleshed, and happy bugs

I have one flare left in the gun,
I've got the wooden stool I'm sitting on,
I have a ratty blanket and a botle of whiskey
And the only reason I'm still breathing's
So intent on leaving me
She walked into the Undead Sea all alone

When she left I stood a monolith
Slow breaths - the oxygen economist,
But from my toes there sprang a mutiny
Recruiting every organ as it rose in me
Rising 'til the very last cell is caught
From my Southest gut to my Northest thoughts

This fit is tidal like the climax only her hands can give me
And I can't stop it.
I'm just air in the lung of a volcano -
The pulse clear, the heart myopic

Twenty years of ego regurgitating
With pride as a fist around my throat
Puffs me out like the fish sheloves,
Rattling my frame as I'm praying out her name.

"Jenny, I want to love this low
'Cause it shows me how high your high is
But when you force me to see
The whole amplitude of love like this

I know it's too much for my tiny heart
I wanna live to lick your skin again,
But I can't taste that far

Jenny, I want to love this low
'Cause it shows me how high your high is
But when you force me to see
The whole amplitude of love like this
You've seen all the bug guts I can show.
This frequency of fits has cracked my walls
So will I walk or will I crawl...
And lick the bottom of it all?"