tonydanzabot3000

You know what sucks the most about Halloween for me(I dont know why Im already jabbering about Halloweenits like another 6 years away.give or take about 2,171 days)? Traumatic memories:

Traumatic Memory #1: When I was in the 2nd Grade I had totally planned to rock this fucking insane He-Man costume. It was the shit. But a few days before Halloween we had this day at school where during the last hour or so of school we could wear our costumes and have our own little 2nd Grade Halloween party and sometime between the time that I had come to school and when it was time to put on our costumessomeone jacked most of mine. All those fucking heartless bastards left behind was the mask and the Transformers bag that it was in. Those tyrants, those hijackers of 7-year-old boy dreams. How dare they? How dare they rip away my faade made of plastic and vinyl?
It gets even worse once you analyze it. Imagine youre a 7-year-old thug out to ruin someones Halloweenwhats the best way to do that?? Steal their costume. Soyou somehow find yourself in a situation where you could steal any one of your classmates costumes. But which one do you pick? Fucking He-Man. What the fuck is wrong with you??? He-Man has to be one of the most moral and up-standing (also strangely homoerotic) super heroes of all time. Sonot only are you fucking with a young boys Halloweenbut youre fucking with morality too!! You dont fuck with morality, you god damn hooligan!!
Im still obviously bent out of shape about that one. And rightfully so if you ask me!! To this day I feel nothing but hatred towards that/those nameless, faceless bastard(s). If someone were to walk up to me one day and say HeyI was in your second grade class. Remember that time at Halloween when someone stole your He-Man costume? Well..that was me. I would beat them without mercy. JUST AS THEY SHOWED NO MERCY TOWARDS ME!! I know youre probably thinking Hey, Guyrelaxyou need to just work through it...well.hear this: The only way Ill work through that trauma is to deliver some major head trauma to the person or persons responsible for my emotional traumawith a chrome pipe. TASTE THE CHROME, FUCKER!!

Traumatic Memory #2: Fast forward to last year. The night before Halloween Im sitting alone in my apartment when I hear a knock on the door. When I open the door no one is theresoI close the door and lock itbut just as a turn around I see a fucking ninja standing there in my living room. Thats righta ninja. The ninja gracefully bows in my direction and then proceeds to kick the ass out of me until I am beaten in to submissionthen my masked assailant reveals their true identity.the most beautiful woman in all of 14th Century Japansent 7 centuries in to the future to have dirty, raunchy sex with me. The rest is all a hazebut I do know that I totally got my socks rocked off. When I awoke the next morning I found myself alone. She never loved me.
For the rest of the day and in to the night I couldnt find the spirit within me to celebrate such a joyous and fantastic holiday such as Halloween. SoI did what any good Christian would doI put on some of my mothers underwear, sat in my bedcried and masturbated until the sun came up.

Only part of that story is true. You guess which part

I really dont have any other real traumatic experiences besides the first one. But Im still mulling over it 12-13 years later. SoI think that counts as two AT LEAST!

I should go. I think Im going to get a gym membership today. This working at home thing has the potential to make me a fatty.

Alsospeaking of crying and jerking off
--"Here I go again on my own...going down the only road I've ever known...like a drifter I was born to walk alone...and I've made up my mind...I'm gonna masturbate vigorously and cry..."