fuuuuuuck! why is it that everytime I'm even near my sweetie he turns me on? he doesn't even have to do anything. there's something about him that makes me all wet. I used to drool a lot when I would see him, but that seems to have stopped, now I get the moistness somewhere else...GO ME!!!
my co-workers are trying to set me up with various random men again. WTF??? the latest looks like ferris beullers friend Cameron. I have a sweetie! i don't need any more.
so onto my revalation of the day.
I realized that when I started dating my sweetie we had discussed what our expectations were are far as relationships are concerned. and mutually decided that dating exclusively was the way to go, yet not so serious that marraige would be a factor any time soon.
ok....as most of you know I got divorced last september, and 3 guys that I dated were more serious than I wanted to be for a just divorced girl.
1) "Mofo" who swooped in with all the romance, "I love you's" and attention any girl could ever ask for, but it was all words, no actions to back them. he wanetd me to marry him and have babies. ummmm hellooooo! the ink wasn't even dry on the divorce papers! moving forward
2) "the player" this charmer has 4 other girls give or take, romanced all of us and decided to propose to one fo them, and kick the rest of us to the curb. nice, real nice! anyways, things didn't work out between the 2 of them and they went their seperate ways. it appeared he was "interviewing" for a wife. he'd ask if I wanted kids, to get married....blah blah blah. ummm yeah...someday...not today though. the ink was just dried on the divorce, at least by this point the 90 day waiting period was up and it was final. I told him I wasn't ready for that, I wanted to take things slow and see how they went. he seemed fine with that, and decided that slow was good with me, but fast fast fatser would be better with someone else. anyways. thats done. moving forward
3)" the young bodybuilder" I met him on myspace. I was up for something different, so I agreed to a lunch date, I was nervous as hell meeting someone from online, especially a much younger guy. he seemed very sweet, so we dated. we got along great...blah blah blah. anyways, he kinda hinted about moving in with me, marraige, kids. all the stuff I want someday. but not a month into dating someone. the things that bugged me were his "over protective" mother, whom I was supposed to meet but that never happened, its long and complicated. he tried to control me, it was gradual, he didn't like sg, didn't like most of my friends. there was a bunch of stuff. then he'd pick fights and make up. it was like having a bipolar meeting. happy/sad/mad/sad/happy I never knew which emotion would pop out next. it made me a little depressed, the unpredictability of it all. then he threatened me....which he said was a joke. I can't deal with jokes like that, I was done. we were done. moving forward.
the revalation continues to unfold.....
so this whole thing started with my Sweetie, I really really like him. but now I have some doubts. he has been so cold towards me lately and we haven't spent much time together. (he still drives me wild though damnit!!! and I'm not getting any action either..GRRRRR!!!) and it hit me...I really do want to settle down again...maybe not today or tomorrow, but sometime in the near-ish future. I want to live with someone again, when??? I dunno it could be a year or 2 or 3 from now, or into another relationship. I want to have a baby or babies someday too. I don't know if I'd ever marry again, but I do want to have that closeness and security of a partner I love and loves me in return.
the summary:
I think I should be open with him and tell him where I'm coming from. he knows I got divorced, that I dated, that they weren't the right men for me. that I wanted to take it slow. that I want to have someone long term someday. but I didn't discuss the whole commitment phobia situation that I was in when we met. I don't want to freak him out either though. but I wonder if he's on the same page as me. if he wants to move towards a real fucking serious long term ralationship with me, or if I'm just someone to pass time by with. I have a hard time expressing myself verbally though. I freeze up and can't even think what to say or how to express myself. I am far from eloquent. I'll end up blurting things out very bluntly. me cavewoman....me want man....me want man for long time...me want good sex with man....me want good sex with man for long time....me want baby with man.....me want my drink now! *runs away to hide and die now*
ok so if you've read all of this you're probally saying to yourself, she's been writing the same fucking thing every blog, just worded differently. lol
I'm going to see "Hookers & Blow" tomorrow night, my boys in Mongrel are opening....goodtimes!!!!
sometimes this song plays in my head:
Edge Of The World~ Faith no more
Come here, my love
I'll tell you a secret
Come closer, now
I want you to believe it
I'll tell you all the things
You want to hear
Don't worry, baby
There's nothing to fear
Hey, little girl
Would you like some candy?
Look into my eyes
I've seen it all
Hand in hand
Together we fall
We'll sing and dance
And we'll find romance
And we'll stroll to the edge of the world
Come sit right down
Lay your head on my shoulder
It's not the point
That I'm forty years older
You can trust me
I'm no criminal
But I'd kill my mother
To be with you
We'll sing and dance
And we'll find romance
And we'll stroll to the edge of the world
Give me a smile
Let me see those pearlies
I'll do anything
For the little girlies...
my co-workers are trying to set me up with various random men again. WTF??? the latest looks like ferris beullers friend Cameron. I have a sweetie! i don't need any more.
so onto my revalation of the day.
I realized that when I started dating my sweetie we had discussed what our expectations were are far as relationships are concerned. and mutually decided that dating exclusively was the way to go, yet not so serious that marraige would be a factor any time soon.
ok....as most of you know I got divorced last september, and 3 guys that I dated were more serious than I wanted to be for a just divorced girl.
1) "Mofo" who swooped in with all the romance, "I love you's" and attention any girl could ever ask for, but it was all words, no actions to back them. he wanetd me to marry him and have babies. ummmm hellooooo! the ink wasn't even dry on the divorce papers! moving forward
2) "the player" this charmer has 4 other girls give or take, romanced all of us and decided to propose to one fo them, and kick the rest of us to the curb. nice, real nice! anyways, things didn't work out between the 2 of them and they went their seperate ways. it appeared he was "interviewing" for a wife. he'd ask if I wanted kids, to get married....blah blah blah. ummm yeah...someday...not today though. the ink was just dried on the divorce, at least by this point the 90 day waiting period was up and it was final. I told him I wasn't ready for that, I wanted to take things slow and see how they went. he seemed fine with that, and decided that slow was good with me, but fast fast fatser would be better with someone else. anyways. thats done. moving forward
3)" the young bodybuilder" I met him on myspace. I was up for something different, so I agreed to a lunch date, I was nervous as hell meeting someone from online, especially a much younger guy. he seemed very sweet, so we dated. we got along great...blah blah blah. anyways, he kinda hinted about moving in with me, marraige, kids. all the stuff I want someday. but not a month into dating someone. the things that bugged me were his "over protective" mother, whom I was supposed to meet but that never happened, its long and complicated. he tried to control me, it was gradual, he didn't like sg, didn't like most of my friends. there was a bunch of stuff. then he'd pick fights and make up. it was like having a bipolar meeting. happy/sad/mad/sad/happy I never knew which emotion would pop out next. it made me a little depressed, the unpredictability of it all. then he threatened me....which he said was a joke. I can't deal with jokes like that, I was done. we were done. moving forward.
the revalation continues to unfold.....
so this whole thing started with my Sweetie, I really really like him. but now I have some doubts. he has been so cold towards me lately and we haven't spent much time together. (he still drives me wild though damnit!!! and I'm not getting any action either..GRRRRR!!!) and it hit me...I really do want to settle down again...maybe not today or tomorrow, but sometime in the near-ish future. I want to live with someone again, when??? I dunno it could be a year or 2 or 3 from now, or into another relationship. I want to have a baby or babies someday too. I don't know if I'd ever marry again, but I do want to have that closeness and security of a partner I love and loves me in return.
the summary:
I think I should be open with him and tell him where I'm coming from. he knows I got divorced, that I dated, that they weren't the right men for me. that I wanted to take it slow. that I want to have someone long term someday. but I didn't discuss the whole commitment phobia situation that I was in when we met. I don't want to freak him out either though. but I wonder if he's on the same page as me. if he wants to move towards a real fucking serious long term ralationship with me, or if I'm just someone to pass time by with. I have a hard time expressing myself verbally though. I freeze up and can't even think what to say or how to express myself. I am far from eloquent. I'll end up blurting things out very bluntly. me cavewoman....me want man....me want man for long time...me want good sex with man....me want good sex with man for long time....me want baby with man.....me want my drink now! *runs away to hide and die now*
ok so if you've read all of this you're probally saying to yourself, she's been writing the same fucking thing every blog, just worded differently. lol
I'm going to see "Hookers & Blow" tomorrow night, my boys in Mongrel are opening....goodtimes!!!!
sometimes this song plays in my head:
Edge Of The World~ Faith no more
Come here, my love
I'll tell you a secret
Come closer, now
I want you to believe it
I'll tell you all the things
You want to hear
Don't worry, baby
There's nothing to fear
Hey, little girl
Would you like some candy?
Look into my eyes
I've seen it all
Hand in hand
Together we fall
We'll sing and dance
And we'll find romance
And we'll stroll to the edge of the world
Come sit right down
Lay your head on my shoulder
It's not the point
That I'm forty years older
You can trust me
I'm no criminal
But I'd kill my mother
To be with you
We'll sing and dance
And we'll find romance
And we'll stroll to the edge of the world
Give me a smile
Let me see those pearlies
I'll do anything
For the little girlies...