1 step forward 3 steps back.
thats what I feel like sometimes. especially today.
I went to my sweeties last night for the first time in a week. and to my surprise he started smoking again. not only that he was acting kinda assy. he was making dinner and making tons of noise, throwing plates on the table, slamming shit around and what not. it was upsetting. then he undercooked the pork (so I was up 1/2 the night in the bathroom because of that) he started snapping at his son again, I'm not sure if he's like that with him all the time but he does it from time to time and the way he does it is a bit unsettleing to me. which also leads to his son's behavior is the reason why I haven't been over, he wanted to deal with him without me around cuz he's acting out mainly when I come over. GRRRR! I dunno....
then he was standing in the door smokeing and it was blowing right into the room and the fan was blowing it right at me. I'm not a smoker and I despise the smell of cigg smoke. Murphy's law is that all the smoke will automatically go to the nonsmoker who hates smoke the most...ME!!!! yay I fucking win!!! I ended up getting up cuz my eyes nose and throat were burning and going into the bathroom. I pee'd and tried to calm myself down and decided that it wasn't gonna happen, when I came out he was still smoking, so I got my purse & keys off the kitchen table brought them in to the couch grabbed my sandals and put them on, suddenly he was concerned..."whats wrong? are you leaving?" yeah...I'm going home...I can't deal.
ok lets dig a little deeper.....this is the 1 yr of my marraige ending, and thurs is my ex's birthday. this whole time of the year from mid July when i told him to leave till sept when we sat in front of the judge and ended it I knew would be a milestone to get through, so I had told him I was having some tough times and that was the reason why, (told him on the phone a few nights ago. having all this time away from my sweetie has given me lots of time to reflect on my life....so yeah...my mind is my own worst enemy) he was faily understanding since he's gone through it too. then last night he mentions that thursday would've been his anniversary....so I told him its my ex's birthday. what a co-inky-dick!
so i'm walkign out the door and he's behind me asking why? what wrong...I tell him I can't deal. and he's saying what? come talk to me. by this time all I want to do is shower (away the cigg smoke & my lifes problems...right down the drain) I tell him with stuff....and the smoke is getting to me...everything stinks, my hair, my skin, my clothes. my eyes, nose and throat are burning...I need to leave.
he called sometime when i got home. I must've been in the shower...which leads me to drama #2.
my roomate sweetassugar come in and says my mom is on the phone...have I heard from my dad tonight? I say I dunno....so what it boils down to is my brother tried calling and got no answer, so he's on his way over to check on him. I finish showering get dressed and run from my house top my Dad's, Jeff is already there, my Dad is sleeping downstairs. we wake him up, I leave his dog, he seems sleepy but ok overall. I come home and get D's message. I go upstairs and start changing for bed...hear Jae coming up the stairs and walk out into the hallway in my panties to ask her to bring me up a bottle of water...and he bf is right behond her...lol so i'm standing there with my hands over my boobs...laughing...she hands me her bottled water. i get my pj's on and go to bed...only to wake up a couple hours later with tummy cramps from the bad (undercooked) dinner.
I talked to AJ last night after my tummy problems...I still couldn't sleep and I called him. I miss talking to him so fucking bad. he said all the right things to make me feel better. too bad he lives a few states away from me.
anywho...I gotta choke down something for breakfast and grab something to eat for lunch at work and get my arse out the door.
I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with the situation with my sweetie...I was so fuckign happy he quit smoking...and now its like it was for nothing. he obviously likes it and wants to do it. and he has his own ration of problems too. FUUUUUCK!!! I hate complicated!
I really do like him, I shouldn't be flipping out over cigg smoke! wtf????
*************************************************************************************
update:
so all I really want lately is hugs, lots and lots of hugs and cuddleing. I can never get enough cuddleing.
today continued to suck.
how did it suck you might ask???
well a bank next to the plaza I work in was robbed and they had helicopters flying in a circle around the plaza and surrounding areas. and I hear the guy who did it went towards Barnes & Noble which is at the other end of the plaza from where I work...this is a bit too close for my comfort. so i was on edge for the rest of the day.
oh and as if that didn't suck enough...my boss made a special trip out to see me and cut my pay again. yuppers! this is how I'm rewarded for 14+ yrs of dedication & hard work. I haven't gotten a raise in years and now they've reduced my pay not once but twice....yay!!! go me!!!! the sucky thing is that I couldn't make what I make anywhere else, not with the benefits I have. so they have me by the tits, and they know it.
oh and I called my sweetie today (cuz I stopped by his work and his boss told me he had the day off....he never told me last night wtf??) and he rushed me off the phone saying he was on another call, then I called him again tonight after work and it went straight to voicemail. I kinda wanted to stop by and get a big hug from him, and tell him how bad my day sucked...DENIED!!!!!
blah! I'm exhausted, and sweetassugar just came back with Mcfood, so i'm gonna go eat and go to bed.
thats what I feel like sometimes. especially today.
I went to my sweeties last night for the first time in a week. and to my surprise he started smoking again. not only that he was acting kinda assy. he was making dinner and making tons of noise, throwing plates on the table, slamming shit around and what not. it was upsetting. then he undercooked the pork (so I was up 1/2 the night in the bathroom because of that) he started snapping at his son again, I'm not sure if he's like that with him all the time but he does it from time to time and the way he does it is a bit unsettleing to me. which also leads to his son's behavior is the reason why I haven't been over, he wanted to deal with him without me around cuz he's acting out mainly when I come over. GRRRR! I dunno....
then he was standing in the door smokeing and it was blowing right into the room and the fan was blowing it right at me. I'm not a smoker and I despise the smell of cigg smoke. Murphy's law is that all the smoke will automatically go to the nonsmoker who hates smoke the most...ME!!!! yay I fucking win!!! I ended up getting up cuz my eyes nose and throat were burning and going into the bathroom. I pee'd and tried to calm myself down and decided that it wasn't gonna happen, when I came out he was still smoking, so I got my purse & keys off the kitchen table brought them in to the couch grabbed my sandals and put them on, suddenly he was concerned..."whats wrong? are you leaving?" yeah...I'm going home...I can't deal.
ok lets dig a little deeper.....this is the 1 yr of my marraige ending, and thurs is my ex's birthday. this whole time of the year from mid July when i told him to leave till sept when we sat in front of the judge and ended it I knew would be a milestone to get through, so I had told him I was having some tough times and that was the reason why, (told him on the phone a few nights ago. having all this time away from my sweetie has given me lots of time to reflect on my life....so yeah...my mind is my own worst enemy) he was faily understanding since he's gone through it too. then last night he mentions that thursday would've been his anniversary....so I told him its my ex's birthday. what a co-inky-dick!
so i'm walkign out the door and he's behind me asking why? what wrong...I tell him I can't deal. and he's saying what? come talk to me. by this time all I want to do is shower (away the cigg smoke & my lifes problems...right down the drain) I tell him with stuff....and the smoke is getting to me...everything stinks, my hair, my skin, my clothes. my eyes, nose and throat are burning...I need to leave.
he called sometime when i got home. I must've been in the shower...which leads me to drama #2.
my roomate sweetassugar come in and says my mom is on the phone...have I heard from my dad tonight? I say I dunno....so what it boils down to is my brother tried calling and got no answer, so he's on his way over to check on him. I finish showering get dressed and run from my house top my Dad's, Jeff is already there, my Dad is sleeping downstairs. we wake him up, I leave his dog, he seems sleepy but ok overall. I come home and get D's message. I go upstairs and start changing for bed...hear Jae coming up the stairs and walk out into the hallway in my panties to ask her to bring me up a bottle of water...and he bf is right behond her...lol so i'm standing there with my hands over my boobs...laughing...she hands me her bottled water. i get my pj's on and go to bed...only to wake up a couple hours later with tummy cramps from the bad (undercooked) dinner.
I talked to AJ last night after my tummy problems...I still couldn't sleep and I called him. I miss talking to him so fucking bad. he said all the right things to make me feel better. too bad he lives a few states away from me.
anywho...I gotta choke down something for breakfast and grab something to eat for lunch at work and get my arse out the door.
I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with the situation with my sweetie...I was so fuckign happy he quit smoking...and now its like it was for nothing. he obviously likes it and wants to do it. and he has his own ration of problems too. FUUUUUCK!!! I hate complicated!
I really do like him, I shouldn't be flipping out over cigg smoke! wtf????
*************************************************************************************
update:
so all I really want lately is hugs, lots and lots of hugs and cuddleing. I can never get enough cuddleing.
today continued to suck.
how did it suck you might ask???
well a bank next to the plaza I work in was robbed and they had helicopters flying in a circle around the plaza and surrounding areas. and I hear the guy who did it went towards Barnes & Noble which is at the other end of the plaza from where I work...this is a bit too close for my comfort. so i was on edge for the rest of the day.
oh and as if that didn't suck enough...my boss made a special trip out to see me and cut my pay again. yuppers! this is how I'm rewarded for 14+ yrs of dedication & hard work. I haven't gotten a raise in years and now they've reduced my pay not once but twice....yay!!! go me!!!! the sucky thing is that I couldn't make what I make anywhere else, not with the benefits I have. so they have me by the tits, and they know it.
oh and I called my sweetie today (cuz I stopped by his work and his boss told me he had the day off....he never told me last night wtf??) and he rushed me off the phone saying he was on another call, then I called him again tonight after work and it went straight to voicemail. I kinda wanted to stop by and get a big hug from him, and tell him how bad my day sucked...DENIED!!!!!
blah! I'm exhausted, and sweetassugar just came back with Mcfood, so i'm gonna go eat and go to bed.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
As for the other stuff, I can't be honest and positive. I've seen too many instances of yelling between kids and parents for me to ever be ok with it. Personally, I cop out; I know it's so hard to raise kids, and I don't want to do it badly. If he's treating his son in a way that you deem inappropriate or even distasteful, that's an omen for your future life together. And the not calling when the day is off of work thing might be a sign as well. I don't know. I don't know the whole story, and I'd never pretend that I could give a reasoned verdict on the big picture. All I'll say is: these are warning signs. They may warn of nothing, but they may warn of something you'll be glad to pay attention to. Hmmmm. I feel like an ass for writing that, but it's what first occurred to me, so I'll post this now before I feel the urge to moderate myself. Hope all is well.
It's a shame that he's going through some stuff, but that doesn't mean he should act the way he is.
Hope it's a brief phase and not the start of something.