what to write...hmmm...its been kinda busy at work, not busy enough that I'm making money hand over fist or anything.
I went and saw my sweetie tonight during his lunch hour. the past few days have been picture perfect. but before that we had another blow out. I dunno why but thing will get a little tense between us, then he gets moody...I get moody, we fight, we say mean things, we say sorry and make up. this last one was really the worst. I dunno if he's testing me or what but I was seriously gonna walk away. there's something about his that I'm so drawn to though. I can't exactly put my finger on it. there's something I see when I look into his eyes, some sort of connection or something.
there is all these things that do concern me though. he has a completely different upbringing, his life/personal goals are slightly different than mine, the way he wants to raise children is huge, its much more the way he was raised (he's from a European country and has been raised exrtemely stict even though he's lived here for the past 6 yrs, he still lives at home and live by the rules of the house...which I can understand and appreciate). now mind you my parents were pretty strict with me, but they let me choose my own life (career etc) and gave me some independance when I earned it as a teen. I think I turned out pretty good. the concern I have is that I see that he's not 100% happy with his current situation or his parents, yet he still describes how he wants to raise his children as how I see him to be raised. I really don't want to get into all the details, but let me just say that I feel his parents have extended their parental rights way beyond what is typical. like I said though there is a whole lot I am leaving out...its kinda hard to paint the full picture, I just don't feel right getting into it on here. so where was I??? oh yeah....my concerns...there's big issues with nudity. he's pretty modest and although I'm modest in my daily life I have posted racy pics on here and enjoy looking at nudity of others. its not just looking at nakey people though, on here its so very artistic, the photosets are like a little story. the whole site intrigues me. the hair, the make up, the fashion/clothes/shoes, piercings & tattoos. some of the topics on the boards and groups (and journals) are very informative, no matter what subject you're looking for you get peoples "consumer report" on it...(no paid advertisement...just pure opinion) he's very against nudity. I always tell him everyone has the same equipment. I feel I'm confortable in my own skin, and I'm comfortable with other peoples bodies...male or female. just because I see someone nude or exposed doesn't mean I want them. its more kinda like. huh?!?!? or hmmm. and thats it (as far as any attraction/stimulation goes) I'm usually busy looking at outfits, hair, make up, scenery, props and body mods. I'm really into facial expressions too, the smile or look in their eyes. blah! enough on this subject...I love it he hates it...moven on...
the dilema:do we have enough in common to make up for our differences? I love to have "common intersts"...which we do. yet I don't want to date someone so much like me that I'm dating myself. I like diversity, I like to be exposed to new things try something I've never done. have someone show me their interests. and I can do the same for them. I understand that I won't be into everything he is and he won't be into everything I am, so we'll have some "me" or "friend" time...thats agood thing! I still need personal space, I still need time with my friends. can we work though our differences in beliefs? when each of us believes so strongly in certain things. ( I don't NEED to post nudes, I do enjoy looking though, can I cut back on this or eliminate something I enjoy or fun, or can he accept that its not the worst thing out there, and isn't morally corrupting..or something)can we find that level of compromise or a happy medium? do each of us want to?
I don't change for anyone excpt myself. otherwise I'm changing for the wrong reasons. I want to be better, to learn, to grow. I am open to suggestions. in fact I hope people do tell me if they think I'm WAY off track. especially my close friends. I am recently trying to quit drinking. a few people I trust told me they thought I indulged too much, but it took seeing my Dad detox and have severe liver damage to make me stop. I've only had a few drinks in the past 5 weeks, usually I'd have anywhere between 6-40 in a week (I have to count for my food journal...damn nutrition counseling, that made me realize how much I drank too). when I met him he said he doesn't date girls who drink, I told him up front I did drink and he said as long as I wasn't getting wasted, and he ddin't want to see me drunk either. well now I'm just about stopped...so there! I didn't do it for him, for Will, for Drew, for my Mom, for my coworkers, or for my Dad..or anyone else, I did for for me. can I guarantee I won't get drunk again??? no...but if I do I do. oh well.
blah! have I even completed a thought here? is this a whole bunch of incoherant rambleings? crap! I still need to dust the 5" thick coating of pollen form my entire house! and here i am 2 finger typing incoherant babble!
I think I'll buy myself some more flowers....my last batch are fading fast...they'll be crunchy in a few days. boo!
My dad put a container of home made mac & cheese in the microwave for 15 min and it lit on fire tonight. WTF??? sometimes I wonder.....
my roomie is away on a romantic(????) weekend getaway. *jealous*
I went and saw my sweetie tonight during his lunch hour. the past few days have been picture perfect. but before that we had another blow out. I dunno why but thing will get a little tense between us, then he gets moody...I get moody, we fight, we say mean things, we say sorry and make up. this last one was really the worst. I dunno if he's testing me or what but I was seriously gonna walk away. there's something about his that I'm so drawn to though. I can't exactly put my finger on it. there's something I see when I look into his eyes, some sort of connection or something.
there is all these things that do concern me though. he has a completely different upbringing, his life/personal goals are slightly different than mine, the way he wants to raise children is huge, its much more the way he was raised (he's from a European country and has been raised exrtemely stict even though he's lived here for the past 6 yrs, he still lives at home and live by the rules of the house...which I can understand and appreciate). now mind you my parents were pretty strict with me, but they let me choose my own life (career etc) and gave me some independance when I earned it as a teen. I think I turned out pretty good. the concern I have is that I see that he's not 100% happy with his current situation or his parents, yet he still describes how he wants to raise his children as how I see him to be raised. I really don't want to get into all the details, but let me just say that I feel his parents have extended their parental rights way beyond what is typical. like I said though there is a whole lot I am leaving out...its kinda hard to paint the full picture, I just don't feel right getting into it on here. so where was I??? oh yeah....my concerns...there's big issues with nudity. he's pretty modest and although I'm modest in my daily life I have posted racy pics on here and enjoy looking at nudity of others. its not just looking at nakey people though, on here its so very artistic, the photosets are like a little story. the whole site intrigues me. the hair, the make up, the fashion/clothes/shoes, piercings & tattoos. some of the topics on the boards and groups (and journals) are very informative, no matter what subject you're looking for you get peoples "consumer report" on it...(no paid advertisement...just pure opinion) he's very against nudity. I always tell him everyone has the same equipment. I feel I'm confortable in my own skin, and I'm comfortable with other peoples bodies...male or female. just because I see someone nude or exposed doesn't mean I want them. its more kinda like. huh?!?!? or hmmm. and thats it (as far as any attraction/stimulation goes) I'm usually busy looking at outfits, hair, make up, scenery, props and body mods. I'm really into facial expressions too, the smile or look in their eyes. blah! enough on this subject...I love it he hates it...moven on...
the dilema:do we have enough in common to make up for our differences? I love to have "common intersts"...which we do. yet I don't want to date someone so much like me that I'm dating myself. I like diversity, I like to be exposed to new things try something I've never done. have someone show me their interests. and I can do the same for them. I understand that I won't be into everything he is and he won't be into everything I am, so we'll have some "me" or "friend" time...thats agood thing! I still need personal space, I still need time with my friends. can we work though our differences in beliefs? when each of us believes so strongly in certain things. ( I don't NEED to post nudes, I do enjoy looking though, can I cut back on this or eliminate something I enjoy or fun, or can he accept that its not the worst thing out there, and isn't morally corrupting..or something)can we find that level of compromise or a happy medium? do each of us want to?
I don't change for anyone excpt myself. otherwise I'm changing for the wrong reasons. I want to be better, to learn, to grow. I am open to suggestions. in fact I hope people do tell me if they think I'm WAY off track. especially my close friends. I am recently trying to quit drinking. a few people I trust told me they thought I indulged too much, but it took seeing my Dad detox and have severe liver damage to make me stop. I've only had a few drinks in the past 5 weeks, usually I'd have anywhere between 6-40 in a week (I have to count for my food journal...damn nutrition counseling, that made me realize how much I drank too). when I met him he said he doesn't date girls who drink, I told him up front I did drink and he said as long as I wasn't getting wasted, and he ddin't want to see me drunk either. well now I'm just about stopped...so there! I didn't do it for him, for Will, for Drew, for my Mom, for my coworkers, or for my Dad..or anyone else, I did for for me. can I guarantee I won't get drunk again??? no...but if I do I do. oh well.
blah! have I even completed a thought here? is this a whole bunch of incoherant rambleings? crap! I still need to dust the 5" thick coating of pollen form my entire house! and here i am 2 finger typing incoherant babble!
I think I'll buy myself some more flowers....my last batch are fading fast...they'll be crunchy in a few days. boo!
My dad put a container of home made mac & cheese in the microwave for 15 min and it lit on fire tonight. WTF??? sometimes I wonder.....
my roomie is away on a romantic(????) weekend getaway. *jealous*
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Thanks
My two cents (or less)?
It's not simply a matter of balancing your common interests with your differences. I really think that ultimately your differences can be much more important than anything you have in common. It depends on how much weight you assign to those traits/habits/interests that are different. If you're really into something, and your partner isn't, that's okay. But if your partner can't tolerate it, then it matters. Partners can have different interests, but they can't really restrict the interests of each other. If your partner doesn't like to look at pics of naked women, that's his right. But if he tells you that you can't do it, that becomes a problem. And if you're not willing to give it up (and you're right, you should never change for other people, no matter who they are), that's a serious problem that can make or break a relationship.
That's my two cents. Sorry if it's no help.