tonia

i just went and tried the nicobate cq patches, to try and quit my disgusting habit of smoking..i was on another brand and they were working real well but i succumbed to the trendy little cool clear ones which were $10 more fuckin expensive, so i put it on and i was all feeling good about an hour and a half later i was in bed having major hallucinations, i couldnt tell if i was coming or going, i tried to stand up but fell flat on my ass cos the dizzyness was so intense my vision was blurred, and the nausea, on top of the nausea i already had from you know, the girly monthly things, was about 100 times worse, i cant believe one little patch did all that, i seriously felt like i was going to die, or vomit first then pass out or pass out then choke on my vomit, im now rethinking my decision to stop smoking...anyway enough of my little sob story, maybe i can sell my patches to 13 year old kids and tell them its "really good absorbic acid" and get my money back.

but that would be unethical...although i do need a job sigh

on another note, i found out im pregnant sigh..which is bullshit cos i took the morning after pill and apparently i fell into the 2% failure rate...go me eh, it shocked the shit out of me, this journal is the first ive told i havent told anyone because i have a feeling i know what i want to do and i dont really want to hear anyone preach to me about it right now, im extremely moody, andgod i hate these cravings i am having...tho i have semi made up my mind its not 100%, i guess im feeling more confused than anything, it sucks, im kinda a bit torni n two...does it sound selfish because i want to tourn the states and canada next year to see a few people, and i cant really do that with a 3 or 4 month kid really....oh well, i guess it'll all work out..blah!

i wonder if i could be the first pregnant suicide girl! that would be interesting, just me and my fat stomach...if i decide to go down that path/