tomosnemesis

my head hurts. it really hurts. it hurts so bad i want to go lie down in traffic and let it be run over a few times because it would feel better than the way it feels now. i got to see everclear live last night. can i say omigod? i liked them before, now i love them. my life has always been a big fat everclear album and art's irony and sarcasm is so much more vivid live. and he held my hand, but didn't pick me to go on stage. so i said, "fuck you art!" really loud. that damn temper of mine. had a very fulfilling last saturday. i woke up before noon, not sleepy, and went shopping. i bought books, sheets, god towels, clothes and lingerie...I am officially a 34 C according to Victoria's Secret. that makes me very very happy. so i spent the better portion of two hours trying on and modeling my goodies for the kitties and telepathically telling my ex to eat his heart out. then looking at all of my sheets and towel's and sexy things i got really really excited for steve to come and immediately went on a net search for him. but he wasn't around. then the phone rang and i ended up with kajiseele and our current favorite SARS victim on the other side of town. i got lost like 3 times finding her house. we watched jay and silent bob, then played "gother than thou" while listening to margaret cho. we ended up bored and at a denny's around midnightish complaining about what losers we are to be exhausted at midnight and bored on a saturday night. on the ride home i got an almost drunk dial from phil. as in, he was almost drunk, but not really, asking me to come over. so i did. i walked right into his house, rolled around on the dark floor with the dog and went into his room where he had already passed out buck naked...go figure. overall it was a very very fulfilling day for me. and today i get more holes in my other arm! yay! and steve is coming in less than two weeks! yay! and kajiseele is on his way over to go to susies for yummy ecoli-enchiladas! yay! i found earlier this week that i'm one of SG Jessica's crushes! that is so bad ass...stevie, you're so jealous,you know it i licked my middle bar for everyone who wants to know. and i'll know sometime next week whether or not i lose my scholarship. which i'm sure i did. i would have had to pull A's out of my ass to keep it and well, i'm not much of an anal kind of girl. as posted, i will put one of my photo sets up that i've been giving you kids tastes of over my membership. but finals have to get over. i need a little bit of spare time to format and airbrush all of them i wish i were a SG guess i'm just too damn playboy...i think my medication is kicking in
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i gots my bars in and it hurt pretty bad this time. kajiseele ended up having to do the skin rolling because one of the clamps started slipping...and it hurt. but kaji couldn't get the gloves on..."hope you have better luck with your condoms." steve was sad when i got home and all i wanted to do was hold him. i tried to sleep and couldn't and now i'm sad too writing to all of you people. i hate mood swings. i just got to thinking about all of the things i've done, the people i've hurt and how truly unloved and even hated i am. i'm 19. i should be worrying about buying concert tickets, not counting my sins...but they're suffocating me and i don't believe in a christ who can wash them away with holy first aid wash. fuck god. fuck guilt. fuck myself.