tomosnemesis

so i finally got my corset piercings last night. it was the most agonizing experience of my life. and it only got worse. i hurt so much all night that i couldn't move and kept bleeding everywhere. i took the laces out and it still felt like i had poisoned knives in my back. got they were so pretty, but i absolutely had to pull...
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i knew it was only a matter of time...for a lot of things. the missionaries tracked me down and just harassed me. they want me to go to church tomorrow (laughs hysterically) hell no. also a matter of time before mr. fantastic was all "dude, make out with my girlfriend" and mr. not so fantastic was all, "dude, play with me" and the other mr....
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things have calmed comfortably. i'm still sad and upset, but now i'm motivated. i want my independence back. i realize how much of myself i've lost in the last year. my writing has downward spiraled as has my art. speaking of which, i posted my first attempt at negative shadowing in my pics. now is time for me to reclaim myself.

updatimating:
having weird dreams. having good sex. have black hair now. getting it cut. need to submit me photos for nakedness on the net. need to write my insurance an bs letter. need to stop sleeping all the time. need to find new fucking job.
need a hug

did someone catch the plate on the barbituate that ran me over...ugh, i hate the emergency room. and right now i might hate my boyfriend just as much.
SGAZers...i'm banning myself from events until i can accept sobriety as a way of life. but i still love you all. rad party, cool people, furry animals. oh, i also hate being unconscious on someone elses bathroom...
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i am literally and absolutely penniless. all of my money is gone and now i am living on the generosity of others. i can take cash or credit using paypal

so i'm really really upset. i just want to kill everyone. i've stayed pretty doped up the last few days and plan on staying that way for a while. fuck everyone else. i need a goddamn break. i'm god's fucking whipping boy

david playing moonlight sonata makes me happy. today the oddest thing happened. i had the thought to kill myself (since i'm totally fucked right now) but i didn't want to even though right now has been the most appropriate time ever for me to consider it. because, well, i'm happy...that's why i said, "what the hell am i thinking" but yeah, i'm fucked. anyone got...
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so this gas thing is fucking up my life even though i do't have a car. i've started seeing clients for my domme work and well, they can't keep appointments because they have to conserve gas...or they just fucking bail like pussies. anyway...staticX fucking rocked especially because my drumming/sex icon tommy stewart was there *le sigh* life is really goddamn stressful right now. anyone have...
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my heart is so full right now even though my life is no where closer to stability. in fact, it's farther from it. but i am slowly developing a game plan, slowly getting back on my feet, and slowly starting to feel something similar to sweet submission in my dominant lifestyle.

so my happiness levels are on the high high, but i'm still an emotional fricken rollercoaster and last night wasn't very easy on that. and my stress levels are starting to really frazzle me. i think it contributed to my illness saturday and my recent huge drinking bouts. not to mention how confrontational i've been. tonight is static x. i will dance and probably cry...
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it's too early to be awake, but i am. i haven't been asleep all night and i doubt i sleep until tonight. and i guess i need to talk. i feel sorry for myself for some perverse reason. i'm sorry that i truly have very little feeling, and what i do with that small amount of affection is always foolish and stupid. i've never been...
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