Hello! This is me. My name is Tommy, I'm a 27 year old full time model, performer and content creator from the UK. I'm a big advocate of stay positive and keeping strong, but sometimes I struggle... And that's ok.
It wasn't that long ago I posted my blog about positivity and how much your actions can affect others; how little comments made take their tolls on other people and how it costs nothing to be kind. I try to keep a positive outlook and find the best in situations as I spent so so long in a dark place that now I stop at nothing to seek the light. Two days ago at around 3am, the dams broke and my floodgates opened and I cried for hours. I didn't sleep at all. In the beginning I didn't know why, but as I let myself sob I came to terms with why I was so upset, and why I felt these emotions. I let myself feel them and as each reason washed over me, I accepted it and sobbed it out.
I am always the strong friend, the positive friend, the 'i'll-help-you-when-you're-down' friend. The fun friend. How many times do you check in on your 'ok' friends? I've realised that although I love each and every one of my friends, I spend so much time giving to them that I forget to check in on myself. People will ask if I'm ok, and it's not even like I'm lying, as I am ok, I am so thankful and greatful for everything I have and I won't complain. Like I said; I stay positive through looking at the good and I try to forget the rest. Sometimes the bad does override the good and it becomes hard. Sometimes little things that - on their own - would be horrible to deal with but ok in the end, build up to what seems like a mountain and it does seem too much. That's what happened to me.
On top of the situations that have arisen for me, my fibromyalgia has been flaring like crazy due to the stress and exhaustion. My hair has started falling out again and I feel quite simply, very out of control. I had to turn down a job due to my circumstances on Friday which was the main bulk of my income this month and has now left me worrying for money, which then in turn makes me more stressed, which makes my health worse, which means I can't work... You can see how it turns into an endless cycle!
I'm not looking for sympathy, I'm just letting it out, as I want you all to know that your strong friends are suffering maybe more than you know. I'm still trying to stay positive, and see the bright sides. I'm so extremely thankful I have friends around me that support me and can be there, even if sometimes I don't want to let it out.
Sending you all my love and light, and hoping for some in return,
Tommy
x
