toki

I don't get mail very often, but sometimes when I do, it's pure, concentrated effort. Like the letter I got inside a box today...


baby please forgive me,
I was gonna pay I swear!
I headed ta the post office
hell, I was almost there!
when I stumbled upon a turtle
remember the one that raced a hare?

Tho he seemed a friendly fellow, I knew what I had to say
"I bid good day to you kind turtle
but I must be on my way
for you see I have a debt
that I really must repay,
tho I hope we meet again
on a not so busy day."

He refused ta budge an inch
while he looked me up and down
and when he finally did speak
on his face was an evil frown.
"What the fuck you thinkin, bitch?
I own this gottamn town!
Askin me to move....
Shit, I'll put you in the ground!"

I scratched my head and waited
for the punchline of the joke
but what he told me next
almost made me choke...

"Its been a busy day," he said. "I've had a lot to eat.
I started with a chocobo
mmmm such delicious feet!
Then I ate a fish of gold,
one of purple, green, and pink.
i also stole some tic tacs
cause fish can fuckin' stink.

And THAT was only breakfast
for lunch I had a duck
for his life he begged and pleaded
but I didn't give a fuck.

Then I killed an astronaut and ate up his cuisine
See you fukin long-haired spic, I told you I was mean!

Now give me all your money
and I might just let you live
Or you can try to keep it
And I'll stick you with a shiv!"

So I handed him my money
cause I know what life is worth
And I cursed his worthless mother
for ever givin birth.

As he walked away I pondered
all that had been said
for the way that asshole talked ta me
he really should have bled.
So I snuck up right behind him
with revenge inside my head.
Then I punched him in the squidly splooch
and stomped that turtle dead.
But I don't know where your money went....

So here's his corpse instead.