tnicole29

I guess everyone deserves an update huh?

I'm doing okay.

This blog is just going to be full of emotions.
If you don't wanna deal with that you can leave.

I can accept that my puppy died. He was old and hes not suffering anymore. Talking about when he was a little shit and used to eat everything has helped. Hearing the numerous reports from different people that met him about how awesome of a dog he was. That's been amazing. He really was the most amazing dog. And I'm sure every one of you would have loved him. Because everyone did.

My cousin. He was really close to me. We stayed in touch no matter what. We talked on the phone almost every other week about stupid shit. Our last phone conversation was about fighting zombies together and how he would teach me about zombie rounds. The kid loved guns. I guess it just goes to show that you never really know what is going to hapen. I wish I had told him that I loved him. He knew. But I wish we weren't too badass to tell each other. He never got to meet my boyfriend. And he never got to tattoo me. These are things I regret. I can't accept that he was taken from me. From his wife and children. From his parents. I don't understand. My family keeps telling me that it was "God's plan and it's not our place to question it." Which is utter bullshit. It's our place as human beings to question everything. But I digress.

It's not fair. And I don't understand. I can't say RiP. It solidifies it. For three days I cried and hoped it was some cruel joke or a nightmare that would end. I went through stages of denial and anger and finally rested on sadness. But I know its not what he would have wanted. He would never have wanted to leave so many things unfinished or to hurt this many people. He was amazing. He had the biggest heart and the kindest smile. You could tell he really was just a big teddy bear no matter what kind of badass he tried to be.
But in the end. He's gone. From this world not from my heart. He'll always have a place there.

Now that I've made everyone sad...

I've been doing a lot of overtime lately. Which had come in handy because I've had to take time off. This weekend my friends are coming into town. I miss them so much and its been so shitty that I really just want to be in his arms. Yeah whatever they aren't just friends.

I started MMA training with the boyfriend last week. I'm way uncoordinated and I'm slow. But hopefully I'll get better. I'm not sure about fighting being the ultimate goal. I'm too pretty to get hit in the face. There's a possibility that around october my bf will be getting in the cage.

That will be exciting.

I have to work a double tonight so if anyone is around let me know and we can fill the PSW chat room with shenanigans.

And now a photo dump.
Things I find on my phone edition.

Thank you, thank you everyone.
From the bottom of my cold, black heart.

And I mean it.