For those you y'all who don't know, for the last 3 years or so I was a professional social consultant/dating coach. Essentially I would take awkward guys and make them less awkward so that they can finally start forming the kinds of personal relationships they feel they deserve.
This past weekend was my very last seminar, and I figured I'd post a few of my old articles before they disappeared forever. Anyway, here ya go . . .
Breaking Down The Bitch Shield (Part 1)
An important aspect of my Appreciation mindset is always giving people the benefit of the doubt. I believe that if truly cruel, cold, evil, soulless women actually exist, theyre probably spending their time in some damp basement somewhere and not at the bar. Bars and clubs are designed and built around socialization, therefore it is a fair assessment that if you are hanging out at one of these establishments then you probably have some internal desire to be social which means, at least on some level, you actually enjoy being around people.
But some might say, Well, maybe they really dont want to talk to anybody. Maybe theyre just there because they want to drink and have fun with their friends. To those people I say this:
If a woman ONLY wanted to drink and have fun with her friends, then she wouldnt be at the bar. She would be at one of her girlfriends houses, where her and her friends can all congregate together in private. Theyd go out and buy two or three bottles of wine or champagne from the liquor store, then they would put on their favorite music and dance and chat and gossip and watch Sixteen Candles on DVD or do whatever the hell it is women do when no ones watching. The location would be more familiar, the booze would be cheaper, the music would be better (because its set to her own personal taste), last call would be whenever the fuck she says it is, and no one has to worry about puking in the cab at the end of the night. I actually have similar evenings (minus the Sixteen Candles) with my boys every once in a while and theyre always a blast, but when we go out, we go out to mingle.
But just because weve now established that a woman goes to bars and clubs to socialize, doesnt mean that shes gonna be runnin up to every person she sees introducing herself and finding out about his/her life story. As you may have noticed from personal experience, a high quality woman isnt necessarily going to be that forward and direct. In fact, most quality women wont even consider approaching a guy (or anyone for that matter) she doesnt know without specific reason.
Guys, I want to tell you an important piece of information you should know about women. Most of them have WAY BETTER time management skills than we do. A beautiful woman knows exactly how precious and important her time is and will do everything in her power not to let it be wasted. After the working day is done, us dudes tend to just kinda take things as they come. We might stop by Taco Bell; we might order a pizza; we might watch some TV; we might play a little Halo 3; we might grab some buddies and go see a movie; or we might go to the bar to have a few drinks and check out the talent. We mostly just like to wing it, no?
So lets say that you, indeed, decide to hit up the bar with your buddies to scope out the girls. Even if your soul objective for going out is to ultimately and hopefully talk to (and maybe even get laid by) a really hot chick, this isnt always (and for a lot of guys, usually) isnt the case. Youll probably spend most of the night in your designated little area kinda (but not really) talkin to your friends, sippin on your beer and lookin around at the girls that youd really like to be talking to even though you try to tell yourself that youre honestly enjoying just relaxing and hanging out, but we all know thats bullshit. This, gentlemen, is not making good use of your time. Another example, and God knows weve all been guilty of this at one point or another, is when you spend half the night talking to the ugly girl with the fun personality, and by the time you actually realize what youre doing, you ultimately decide to just stick it out because (in your head) its better than going back to your friends knowing that youre just gonna talk about the same boring shit they always talk about, and at the very least, the ugly girl is offering you a little variety.
High quality women dont do this. Theyre not just going to squander their few hours of scheduled fun on just any one of the sixty seven jerk-offs that told her how hot she is that night. The fact of the matter is, if your vibe isnt right, you are not going to attract the girl. If she senses static (which is a common side effect for the anxiety you get when approaching people you don't know), shes going to instinctively put up the bitch shield. This doesnt mean shes nefarious, It just means shes not willing to spend her valuable time sifting through the awkwardness in order to get to the real you. What it ultimately comes down to is that she is just not willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. However, just because she isnt initially showing you the appreciation you deserve, keep in mind why shes reacting the way she is time management and dont you think its kinda unjust to look down on someone for having quality time management skills? Me too. So, dont take her initial rejection to heart. Put yourself in her shoes and try to understand where shes coming from give her the benefit of the doubt. Even if she's not doing the same for you.
This past weekend was my very last seminar, and I figured I'd post a few of my old articles before they disappeared forever. Anyway, here ya go . . .
Breaking Down The Bitch Shield (Part 1)
An important aspect of my Appreciation mindset is always giving people the benefit of the doubt. I believe that if truly cruel, cold, evil, soulless women actually exist, theyre probably spending their time in some damp basement somewhere and not at the bar. Bars and clubs are designed and built around socialization, therefore it is a fair assessment that if you are hanging out at one of these establishments then you probably have some internal desire to be social which means, at least on some level, you actually enjoy being around people.
But some might say, Well, maybe they really dont want to talk to anybody. Maybe theyre just there because they want to drink and have fun with their friends. To those people I say this:
If a woman ONLY wanted to drink and have fun with her friends, then she wouldnt be at the bar. She would be at one of her girlfriends houses, where her and her friends can all congregate together in private. Theyd go out and buy two or three bottles of wine or champagne from the liquor store, then they would put on their favorite music and dance and chat and gossip and watch Sixteen Candles on DVD or do whatever the hell it is women do when no ones watching. The location would be more familiar, the booze would be cheaper, the music would be better (because its set to her own personal taste), last call would be whenever the fuck she says it is, and no one has to worry about puking in the cab at the end of the night. I actually have similar evenings (minus the Sixteen Candles) with my boys every once in a while and theyre always a blast, but when we go out, we go out to mingle.
But just because weve now established that a woman goes to bars and clubs to socialize, doesnt mean that shes gonna be runnin up to every person she sees introducing herself and finding out about his/her life story. As you may have noticed from personal experience, a high quality woman isnt necessarily going to be that forward and direct. In fact, most quality women wont even consider approaching a guy (or anyone for that matter) she doesnt know without specific reason.
Guys, I want to tell you an important piece of information you should know about women. Most of them have WAY BETTER time management skills than we do. A beautiful woman knows exactly how precious and important her time is and will do everything in her power not to let it be wasted. After the working day is done, us dudes tend to just kinda take things as they come. We might stop by Taco Bell; we might order a pizza; we might watch some TV; we might play a little Halo 3; we might grab some buddies and go see a movie; or we might go to the bar to have a few drinks and check out the talent. We mostly just like to wing it, no?
So lets say that you, indeed, decide to hit up the bar with your buddies to scope out the girls. Even if your soul objective for going out is to ultimately and hopefully talk to (and maybe even get laid by) a really hot chick, this isnt always (and for a lot of guys, usually) isnt the case. Youll probably spend most of the night in your designated little area kinda (but not really) talkin to your friends, sippin on your beer and lookin around at the girls that youd really like to be talking to even though you try to tell yourself that youre honestly enjoying just relaxing and hanging out, but we all know thats bullshit. This, gentlemen, is not making good use of your time. Another example, and God knows weve all been guilty of this at one point or another, is when you spend half the night talking to the ugly girl with the fun personality, and by the time you actually realize what youre doing, you ultimately decide to just stick it out because (in your head) its better than going back to your friends knowing that youre just gonna talk about the same boring shit they always talk about, and at the very least, the ugly girl is offering you a little variety.
High quality women dont do this. Theyre not just going to squander their few hours of scheduled fun on just any one of the sixty seven jerk-offs that told her how hot she is that night. The fact of the matter is, if your vibe isnt right, you are not going to attract the girl. If she senses static (which is a common side effect for the anxiety you get when approaching people you don't know), shes going to instinctively put up the bitch shield. This doesnt mean shes nefarious, It just means shes not willing to spend her valuable time sifting through the awkwardness in order to get to the real you. What it ultimately comes down to is that she is just not willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. However, just because she isnt initially showing you the appreciation you deserve, keep in mind why shes reacting the way she is time management and dont you think its kinda unjust to look down on someone for having quality time management skills? Me too. So, dont take her initial rejection to heart. Put yourself in her shoes and try to understand where shes coming from give her the benefit of the doubt. Even if she's not doing the same for you.