tinysharks

Ladies & Gentlemen...Neon Diarrhea
I think the last time I performed on a stage was April '98
Actually
It may not have been a stage
It may have been in a backyard
Or in the corner of someones living room
Or maybe it was in a garage somewhere
Not sure really
But anyway
Tomorrow, for the first time in over 8 years I will be...
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I Don't Want To Play Anymore, Mr Gein
Yesterday I went to Home Depot
I walked in and put my headphones on
Clickwheeled my way to Metallica
Master of Puppets
Start with "Disposable Heroes"
Makes the experience more bearable
Less chance of people asking me for help:
If I know where the spraypaint is
If I know which screws would be best to attach a...
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Far Beyond Driven

Regardless of how bad I feel
How terrible my day is going
How much I want wield a claw hammer and swing it at the next person who calls me Mikey
How I just want to crawl under my desk or my bed and hide out until I can escape or fall asleep, whichever comes first
It will all be fine
I...
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Senility At 30

I think my age is catching up to me
And, no
I'm not complaining that I'm old
But I certainly feel older
My feet hurt when I walk too much
Last night I was wishing I had a dog so he could bring me my slippers
Then I wished that I actually owned slippers
Maybe that's not an age issue though
More...
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And I Heard, As It Were, The Noise of Thunder

This just might be the apocalypse
Either that or it's an effort to drown all of us short folks
I've already put on my swimmies (also know as waterwings, depending on the region)
I'm going outside to find the tallest person I can and I'm climbing onto their shoulders a la Master/Blaster
Two Men Enter...
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Crabass

The bottom 3/4 of my pants are soaked
Not damp
But soaked
There's a puddle forming under my desk
And, no
I didn't piss myself

A wonderful way to start the day
Is it too early for a drink?
This is how it starts
AM drinking to warm me up and to take away that anger because my pants are all wet and the...
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I Look Like A Monkey & I Smell Like One Too

Yesterday I turned 30
I got to spend the day with an amazing person
I had the perfect old guinea dinner in the perfect old guinea restaurant:
Cheese ravioli
Mozzarella and fresh tomato
Stuffed eggplant
And too much wine
Which was followed by drinking with some swell folks
Nice
Low key
No birthday shots...
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I Look Like A Monkey & I Smell Like One Too

Yesterday I turned 30
I got to spend the day with an amazing person
I had the perfect old guinea dinner in the perfect old guinea restaurant:
Cheese ravioli
Mozzarella and fresh tomato
Stuffed eggplant
And too much wine
Which was followed by drinking with some swell folks
Nice
Low key
No birthday shots...
Read More

I Look Like A Monkey & I Smell Like One Too

Yesterday I turned 30
I got to spend the day with an amazing person
I had the perfect old guinea dinner in the perfect old guinea restaurant:
Cheese ravioli
Mozzarella and fresh tomato
Stuffed eggplant
And too much wine
Which was followed by drinking with some swell folks
Nice
Low key
No birthday shots...
Read More

Get The Honey, Junior

As morbid as it sounds
It's an interesting thing
Watching someone eat themselves to death
Watching them shovel it in
Day after day
Turning down potatoes with their omlettes before double fisting bagels while sneak eating by the bathroom or even worse, in the bathroom
Ordering fries as a side instead of getting them as a part of a "deluxe" burger...
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