An Output of Nothing
I have writers block
7 years and counting
Is there a limit to how long it can continue?
As time has gone on
Its gotten worse
I used to be able to at least start
Start a story
Get through a page or two before being crippled with worry
Confused about direction
Structure
Concerned about pacing
Perspective
Am I forcing the story?
Am I providing enough information?
Too much?
All of it slowed me down
To the point where I second guessed every sentence
Every word
I was thinking too much
Too much in my head
Instead of writing first and thinking later
Instead of just getting it out
I overthought
Agonized each word
If I did wind up producing anything it sounded forced and unnatural
And got to the point where I couldnt sit down to write anymore
So I tried to fix it
Sat myself down
Started with an idea and forced it to an ending
Dragged and pulled characters through plots
Sacrificing a natural flow
Sacrificing storytelling
All for a nice, neat package
Beginning with a beginning and ending with an ending
Prodding characters along a path
But not to tell a story
But to reach an ending
And it left me feeling more useless than when I would sit down and stare at a blinking cursor for hours on end before walking away disgusted
But it isnt just the words that have left me
Its the music too
I used to get a phrase in my head
A progression or two stuck there
And Id sing it over and over and over until it either drove me crazy or I had the chance to get guitar and figure it out and write it down
Id sit for hours with my guitar
Pulling out what was in my head
Shaping it
Seeing where it was going
Id sit on the end of my bed and play until my hands locked into claws and screamed at me to stop
Id take my guitar into the bathroom
Sit on the toilet with the head stock against the door to amplify the sound
Hours upon hours
Playing and writing
Sometimes coming up with something
Most times coming up with nothing
But even that nothing was something
Now I sit down
Hold my guitar and stare off into space
Searching for a spark
A beginning
Its just not there
Maybe its a change of scenery that I need to get it back
Maybe I need to change the people around me
Maybe all I need is a little inspiration
Or maybe its gone for good
Maybe Im not supposed to get it back
And
If that's the case
Now what?
I have writers block
7 years and counting
Is there a limit to how long it can continue?
As time has gone on
Its gotten worse
I used to be able to at least start
Start a story
Get through a page or two before being crippled with worry
Confused about direction
Structure
Concerned about pacing
Perspective
Am I forcing the story?
Am I providing enough information?
Too much?
All of it slowed me down
To the point where I second guessed every sentence
Every word
I was thinking too much
Too much in my head
Instead of writing first and thinking later
Instead of just getting it out
I overthought
Agonized each word
If I did wind up producing anything it sounded forced and unnatural
And got to the point where I couldnt sit down to write anymore
So I tried to fix it
Sat myself down
Started with an idea and forced it to an ending
Dragged and pulled characters through plots
Sacrificing a natural flow
Sacrificing storytelling
All for a nice, neat package
Beginning with a beginning and ending with an ending
Prodding characters along a path
But not to tell a story
But to reach an ending
And it left me feeling more useless than when I would sit down and stare at a blinking cursor for hours on end before walking away disgusted
But it isnt just the words that have left me
Its the music too
I used to get a phrase in my head
A progression or two stuck there
And Id sing it over and over and over until it either drove me crazy or I had the chance to get guitar and figure it out and write it down
Id sit for hours with my guitar
Pulling out what was in my head
Shaping it
Seeing where it was going
Id sit on the end of my bed and play until my hands locked into claws and screamed at me to stop
Id take my guitar into the bathroom
Sit on the toilet with the head stock against the door to amplify the sound
Hours upon hours
Playing and writing
Sometimes coming up with something
Most times coming up with nothing
But even that nothing was something
Now I sit down
Hold my guitar and stare off into space
Searching for a spark
A beginning
Its just not there
Maybe its a change of scenery that I need to get it back
Maybe I need to change the people around me
Maybe all I need is a little inspiration
Or maybe its gone for good
Maybe Im not supposed to get it back
And
If that's the case
Now what?