i'm really down tonight. and i'm just gonna rant, so really, you can just stop now...
how many times can you tell yourself it's going to get better... and then it doesn't.... ?
work has been sucking... we're taking on a lot of new stuff and we suck at it. so we've had to come in early every day to go over why we suck. however, had we actually had more than 2 VERY quick hours of training, maybe we wouldn't have had this problem... my supervisor and technical assistant really pissed me off today too...
j was kinda short with me on the phone when i called after i got home from the gym. and after my shower too. didn't know til later that he had a bad day with his sister and his ex wife. they're both stupid bitches, and need a good kick in the face... but i'm starting to really get tired of feeling ignored and/or having him take shit out on me.
almost cried when he and i were talking tonight. he was saying how he's changed since his ex left him and this whole nonsense started. and he said "i know i take a lot out on you, and i hope you don't think 'wow, that's why she left him he's an asshole' cuz i wasn't like this before." all i wanted him to say was "i'm sorry" but no...
i just want him to ask how my day was when i come home from work. or say thank you when i get dinner...make dinner...clean up...watch lexi... anything...
i just remember how happy i was and he was when we first got together. now, yeah, i know it's been stressfull... but i just remember the really awesome times, like when i felt like he really WANTED me to come over to his house, or when he went out of his way to visit me at work (which he can't do now, but that's not the point), or when i asked him if he thought he could ever love me and he said yes.... but now still doesn't say it even when i do...
i know i'm just tired and cranky, but i'm really down... all i wanted tonight was to stay with him, and fall asleep in his arms. but here i am, on the computer, playing with my kitten in between thoughts, talking to a bunch of people that i don't even know... at least my kitten loves me...
how many times can you tell yourself it's going to get better... and then it doesn't.... ?
work has been sucking... we're taking on a lot of new stuff and we suck at it. so we've had to come in early every day to go over why we suck. however, had we actually had more than 2 VERY quick hours of training, maybe we wouldn't have had this problem... my supervisor and technical assistant really pissed me off today too...
j was kinda short with me on the phone when i called after i got home from the gym. and after my shower too. didn't know til later that he had a bad day with his sister and his ex wife. they're both stupid bitches, and need a good kick in the face... but i'm starting to really get tired of feeling ignored and/or having him take shit out on me.
almost cried when he and i were talking tonight. he was saying how he's changed since his ex left him and this whole nonsense started. and he said "i know i take a lot out on you, and i hope you don't think 'wow, that's why she left him he's an asshole' cuz i wasn't like this before." all i wanted him to say was "i'm sorry" but no...
i just want him to ask how my day was when i come home from work. or say thank you when i get dinner...make dinner...clean up...watch lexi... anything...
i just remember how happy i was and he was when we first got together. now, yeah, i know it's been stressfull... but i just remember the really awesome times, like when i felt like he really WANTED me to come over to his house, or when he went out of his way to visit me at work (which he can't do now, but that's not the point), or when i asked him if he thought he could ever love me and he said yes.... but now still doesn't say it even when i do...
i know i'm just tired and cranky, but i'm really down... all i wanted tonight was to stay with him, and fall asleep in his arms. but here i am, on the computer, playing with my kitten in between thoughts, talking to a bunch of people that i don't even know... at least my kitten loves me...
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
theyerg:
not a problem. somedays i feel like i am walking that thin line between "hope/faith that thing will turn around" and "am i just kidding myself?" so i know how you feel. you just gotta keep your head up and keep plugging away. i hope you have a great day today. 
gadget:
i've done some good hiking out by mechanicsburg.