This is a venting post, I would like to ask you not to comment or ask me anything before reading everything. Please!
First of all, I think some people noticed my absence here. some posts about hospital and health but I think I never got to talk 100% openly about it.
I believe that everything started 6 years ago when I had my daughter Aika, I had a complicated delivery, my blood clotted (I clogged) I never lost so much blood in my life, I suffered several obstetric violence (I only knew it was years later ), after childbirth I was observed for 4 hours while the nurse took the stones inside me with hand
They sewed me with the wrong thread, gave me anesthesia without authorization, pulled the placenta without authorization and cut me off to speed up the "normal" delivery without my authorization
I had 3 months of heavy bleeding followed after childbirth, I had exams, I took birth control pills. and everything seemed on the alert after that
But doctors rule out the possibility that this is influencing my health now because "it’s been a long time"
I started to have heavy hemorrhage and damage to the uterus a year and a half ago. I decided to go after a doctor this year because before I had no financial conditions (thanks to my onlyfans subscribers)
I decided to make a new type of content that respected my condition and my body, it is not what most people look for in onlyfans but I was happy to see that there are people who liked or continued to support me in the same way, others not so much...
I also changed my way of working because making videos with toys caused me 2 weeks of continuous hemorrhage apart from the hemorrhage that I have often had without it, I don't know what causes it but it's as if I'm sensitive inside. when I use tampon it hurts me, when I have sex it hurts me and it makes me bleed for days and days. I can't take it anymore... I ended up realizing that I was not happy doing this, but it was the time that most supported me and I needed that money to take care of my health. So after a while I decided to respect my health, respect the condition of my body and I stopped it, which made many people stop supporting me and lose interest, which is sad because I try to make my content soft in the best way that I can, I love this way of working and I identify myself much more, I am happy because some people continue to support me even though I don't have to show my sexual side...
In fact I had already gone to the public hospital here, I know it is something that saves many people's lives here. But I can only feel that they did not give importance to my case, so it was the same as nothing
So when i had the opportunity to work with onlyfans at the beginning of this year i was already very bad, but I didn't even realize how weak I was, or I was deceiving myself because I knew I couldn’t pay for what I needed
Fortunately I was still able to do a little content a few days, but most days i was unable to do anything, I marked in a calendar the days I had hemorrhage. It was literally like I was hurt inside, bleeding a lot and feeling stitches almost every day, for me it was anything but normal
I couldn't do my best when I was going to produce but it gave me the opportunity to go to a private hospital for the first time in my life where they treat you in a more humane way (at least here where I live)
I wanted to wait for the pandemic to end before I started going to hospitals, but I couldn't take it anymore.
I went to the doctor for the second time then, they just asked me for some tests like blood count, hormonal and ultrasound that did not indicate anything and prescribed a contraceptive and ferrous sulfate, when I asked about a more specific exam the doctor said that I would need to take the medication and continue to have problems (other than that it cost 7 thousand, I need to have general anesthesia and stay in the hospital after the exam) I never did this exam, , they put a camera inside you to see if there are any problems, I think maybe it wouldn't show anything but maybe it would make a difference in my diagnosis..
after a month taking this medication I still felt really bad, with no disposition and energy for anything, no desire to even cook for me, @nappyboyradio sent me meals a few times and took care of me that way even though I was away
I couldn’t take good care of Aika, and give her the attention she deserved, it was destroying me, each new day I marked on that pain calendar made me cry, so I asked my mother to take care of this moment (because I am a mom solo) of my daughter because I knew who would make many visits to the doctor and that I needed to improve
I couldn't accept that this was all that the doctors could do for me, so instead of looking for doctors near my house (I live in the slum), I went looking for it in a more upscale area of the stat
I still didn't have a diagnosis, it was the third time I went to the doctor, from my exams from the last appointment she said that the prescription was wrong, she doubled the amount of hormones, had a coloscopy, she realized that I had a tendency to bleeding more than normal because I bled during the exam and I had injuries (yes I was hurt inside for no reason)
She asked me to see a nutritionist to find out if I have any hormonal changes due to my diet, a hamatologist to find out if I have any problems with circulation and then make a retur
So I went to the hematologist and she asked me for more tests that didn’t show any changes and a specific ultrasound that evaluates each organ, and that didn’t show any changes either
At the nutritionist I did more tests and we also found no hormonal changes, but she gave me supplementation of the vitamins that were deficient, and has been helping me to have a better diet until now (since when I was bad because of the bleeding I couldn't cook , and I have no one who can do this for me) it made me even weaker
Altogether I did 51 exams, I have no diagnosis, I feel bad most days or I wake up well only in the morning and I feel my energies running out, sometimes I started getting ready to produce content and I gave up in the middle because I felt very weak. so on the days that I wake up well I try to make the most of it to be productive
I cry and I'm very scared because I don't know what I have, it scares me so much. @ojtheviking and @nappyboyradio sent me teas at the beginning of this pandemic, and @blkacidvl sent me mugs, 💖 and when I’m bad I take 1 cup of these gifts and I feel hugged because I don't have anyone close to me who cares :(
I think i'm still a long way from finding out what it is, when I made the return the doctor said i should keep taking the medicine and come back in 3 months with a new ultrasound, I’m waiting for this time to pass and for now, saving money for new medicine appointments and exams. at the same time i'm trying to produce for onlyfans in the best way and pace I can
Recently I took time to take care of my health, getting away from social networks made me lose almost all my subscribers, it affected me drastically, I’m in a vicious cycle where I need health to work but I need money to have health.
I would like to thank everyone who accompanies me, cheers for me and especially those who have always supported my work, I really want to improve, bring sets back here and improve my content on onlyfans. but for now all I can say is: sorry I'am sick
My heartache fell now, I realized that I could have died with the amount of blood that I lost, but I didn't have the money to seek help so I don't blame myself for not going to the doctor before I wanted to ask for help from all of you, so that I can continue living and taking care of my health and my daughter Aika
And...
What they ask me most lately is how they can help me: the only way someone can help me now is by supporting my work.
you can also still send some item from my despair list
Thank you if you read all this.
