Some of you are aware that I work at Border's as a cashier. I'm doing it to make a little extra cash while I'm in school. Most of my fellow employees are pretty intelligent, so when I told them this story the vast majority of them, almost passed out from hysterics.
Oprah Winfrey has a book club. This last month, she featured Steinbeck's "East of Eden". Now, while I'm not going to fault the woman for having good taste, I do question how many of her loyal yuppie followers actually read the book that their cult leader tells them to. Yesterday, I had that question answered and it almost cost me my job.
I was standing at my register happily checking out the customer in front of me. Cookbooks, I think. I don't recall because I could hear two yuppies of the female gender, talking and I heard "Oprah" and "Steinbeck" and my ears perked up. Usually, the buffoons aren't even aware of who actually writes the literature, they just buy it and sit it on their shelf, because the god of television tells them to. So, I actually listened to their conversation.
The devil that normally sits on my shoulder is rather large. He's a bully and to put it simply, the angel that's supposed to keep him in check is basically his bitch. The devil smiled deeply and perked up, upon hearing this, "It's so wonderful that Oprah found this new author, John... Steinbeck. I wonder when he's going to write his next book? Let's ask the clerk when we get to the front of the line!" My brain seized up at this point and I prayed that someone would come up take care of them so that the devil that was cackling in my ear wouldn't get me fired.
No such luck, I was alone, with the yuppie sisters, my devil and an angel that normally does all he can just to avoid getting his ass kicked by the guy with the horns. They walked up and said it, they actually asked about Steinbeck releasing a new book. The devil hopped up and down and shouted, "Tell them, 'Why yes, of course, he's releasing it in tandem with Bill Shakespeare's new play! It'll be on Broadway, next week!' OOOoooo!!! Better, give her 'The Grapes of Wrath' and tell her that it's an advance copy of his new book!!" Out of the blue, the angel sucker-punched the bastard, realizing that my job depended on this.
"Actually, ma'am, that's not possible, Mr. Steinbeck is quite dead."
Then, she gave the devil new life, "Oh my how tragic, when did that happen? Oprah will be heartbroken."
More screams in my ear, "Tell her he was on the plane with Aaliyah!!!" He crumpled as the angel kicked him square in the testilces, again saving my meager employment. "Actually, ma'am, he passed away a year before I was born."
With the look that she gave me, I half expected smoke to pour out of her ears. Not in anger, just more from gears being pushed beyond their ability to work properly. Luckily, I think that she decided that she had just made herself look rather stupid and decided to just pay her bill and move on... and that, was the day that I almost lost my job.
Oprah Winfrey has a book club. This last month, she featured Steinbeck's "East of Eden". Now, while I'm not going to fault the woman for having good taste, I do question how many of her loyal yuppie followers actually read the book that their cult leader tells them to. Yesterday, I had that question answered and it almost cost me my job.
I was standing at my register happily checking out the customer in front of me. Cookbooks, I think. I don't recall because I could hear two yuppies of the female gender, talking and I heard "Oprah" and "Steinbeck" and my ears perked up. Usually, the buffoons aren't even aware of who actually writes the literature, they just buy it and sit it on their shelf, because the god of television tells them to. So, I actually listened to their conversation.
The devil that normally sits on my shoulder is rather large. He's a bully and to put it simply, the angel that's supposed to keep him in check is basically his bitch. The devil smiled deeply and perked up, upon hearing this, "It's so wonderful that Oprah found this new author, John... Steinbeck. I wonder when he's going to write his next book? Let's ask the clerk when we get to the front of the line!" My brain seized up at this point and I prayed that someone would come up take care of them so that the devil that was cackling in my ear wouldn't get me fired.
No such luck, I was alone, with the yuppie sisters, my devil and an angel that normally does all he can just to avoid getting his ass kicked by the guy with the horns. They walked up and said it, they actually asked about Steinbeck releasing a new book. The devil hopped up and down and shouted, "Tell them, 'Why yes, of course, he's releasing it in tandem with Bill Shakespeare's new play! It'll be on Broadway, next week!' OOOoooo!!! Better, give her 'The Grapes of Wrath' and tell her that it's an advance copy of his new book!!" Out of the blue, the angel sucker-punched the bastard, realizing that my job depended on this.
"Actually, ma'am, that's not possible, Mr. Steinbeck is quite dead."
Then, she gave the devil new life, "Oh my how tragic, when did that happen? Oprah will be heartbroken."
More screams in my ear, "Tell her he was on the plane with Aaliyah!!!" He crumpled as the angel kicked him square in the testilces, again saving my meager employment. "Actually, ma'am, he passed away a year before I was born."
With the look that she gave me, I half expected smoke to pour out of her ears. Not in anger, just more from gears being pushed beyond their ability to work properly. Luckily, I think that she decided that she had just made herself look rather stupid and decided to just pay her bill and move on... and that, was the day that I almost lost my job.
i never woulda thunk.