WARNING : DEPRESSING JOURNAL ENTRY AHEAD . READ AT YOUR OWN RISK...
I have always kind of believed that life moves in cycles kind of like the tides . Your up for awhile , your down for awhile , etc . You try to ride the crest for as long as you can and enjoy the up time , and you try your best to brace yourself and just tough out the down time . It just feels lately that I've been down for a LONG time . I've been down for so long I'm just waiting for the waves to come crashing in on my head . The waiting is the worst part . It's just that I seem to have dug myself into this fucking rut and I'm not really sure how to pull myself out of it . I'm sick of where I live . I'm sick of where I work . I'm sick of being broke all the time . I'm basically sick of the same old shit day in day out . So you're saying " Hey , dumbass!!! If you don't like your job...QUIT . If you don't like where you live...MOVE " I hear 'ya , but that's the thing about ruts . It's like the mob...you try to get out , but it keeps pulling you back in . I got here through a series of seemingly unrelated events , but now it seems that I may have stayed too long . I know that if I quit my job I'm not going to get the same benefits and pay that I've earned through my years of putting up with all of the crap that I've put up with . I know that if I move , I'll never be able to find a place this good for this cheap . It was pure dumb luck that I found this place to begin with . This situation SUCKS . I keep wondering if I've somehow , somewhere done something to bring this on myself . Have I done something to deserve getting shit on on such a regular basis ? I've always tried to do right by my family and friends . I've always tried to help folks out , even complete strangers , whenever I could . Now if I'm understanding things correctly , this whole concept of karma is that if you do enough good deeds , eventually a little bit of that good is supposed to come back to you , right ? The waiting is the worst part . I considered a radical solution . Just pack my shit up , pull up stakes , and move some place far away and try to start over from scratch . That seems too much like quitting though . Never was much for that . I persevere out of spite alone sometimes . So instead , I guess I'll adopt the Rocky Balboa defense . Suck it up and take the hits until your opponent gets tired of dishing them out . I'm pretty sure the world will get tired of kicking me down before I get tired of getting back up . That sounds logical , doesn't it ?
So what's this all mean ? Damned if I know . I guess I just needed to get some things off my chest . Don't worry kids . I may not look like much , but I can be pretty resilient . I'll just go on believing that I won't be down for much longer and I'll catch the next wave up . In the meantime , anything yinz guys can do to cheer my whiny ass up is much appreciated . I'll try not to be such a depressing bastard next time . Promise .
I have always kind of believed that life moves in cycles kind of like the tides . Your up for awhile , your down for awhile , etc . You try to ride the crest for as long as you can and enjoy the up time , and you try your best to brace yourself and just tough out the down time . It just feels lately that I've been down for a LONG time . I've been down for so long I'm just waiting for the waves to come crashing in on my head . The waiting is the worst part . It's just that I seem to have dug myself into this fucking rut and I'm not really sure how to pull myself out of it . I'm sick of where I live . I'm sick of where I work . I'm sick of being broke all the time . I'm basically sick of the same old shit day in day out . So you're saying " Hey , dumbass!!! If you don't like your job...QUIT . If you don't like where you live...MOVE " I hear 'ya , but that's the thing about ruts . It's like the mob...you try to get out , but it keeps pulling you back in . I got here through a series of seemingly unrelated events , but now it seems that I may have stayed too long . I know that if I quit my job I'm not going to get the same benefits and pay that I've earned through my years of putting up with all of the crap that I've put up with . I know that if I move , I'll never be able to find a place this good for this cheap . It was pure dumb luck that I found this place to begin with . This situation SUCKS . I keep wondering if I've somehow , somewhere done something to bring this on myself . Have I done something to deserve getting shit on on such a regular basis ? I've always tried to do right by my family and friends . I've always tried to help folks out , even complete strangers , whenever I could . Now if I'm understanding things correctly , this whole concept of karma is that if you do enough good deeds , eventually a little bit of that good is supposed to come back to you , right ? The waiting is the worst part . I considered a radical solution . Just pack my shit up , pull up stakes , and move some place far away and try to start over from scratch . That seems too much like quitting though . Never was much for that . I persevere out of spite alone sometimes . So instead , I guess I'll adopt the Rocky Balboa defense . Suck it up and take the hits until your opponent gets tired of dishing them out . I'm pretty sure the world will get tired of kicking me down before I get tired of getting back up . That sounds logical , doesn't it ?
So what's this all mean ? Damned if I know . I guess I just needed to get some things off my chest . Don't worry kids . I may not look like much , but I can be pretty resilient . I'll just go on believing that I won't be down for much longer and I'll catch the next wave up . In the meantime , anything yinz guys can do to cheer my whiny ass up is much appreciated . I'll try not to be such a depressing bastard next time . Promise .
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
norritt:
wha? an atypical somber entree im all cryee now i wanted jokes an shtuff... ah well buck up kid! life sucks but then you get to die and torture people hey you like lovecraft? maybe you can think of a better intro for my new comic!
linz:
whew! i understand what you're going through. right now there is so much going on that it's hard for me to stop and remember how devestating it is being stuck in a rut. i have gone on for a long time not having anything but crutches around me and never moving in any direction. that is the most frustrating thing of all. i found out that the people i was surrounding myself with were in the same boat so i dropped them and kicked it into high gear. maybe you're having this spout of frustration because your spirit is telling you to wake up and deal with uncomfortable changes to make yourself happy in the future? i didn't mean that as cliche as it sounded.