I usually try to avoid the news because A) it's ALWAYS about something that makes me want to move to a different planet . B) I don't exactly trust the media to be unbiased and completely truthful . So , as a result , I go to "Alternate" news sources . I came upon this interesting little nugget of info . Man pulls truck...with his penis . 
Apparently the afore mentioned man is a martial arts expert who is famous for his "Iron Crotch" style . I had absolutely NO idea that there even was such a thing . That's just...WOW . You know what ? If I ever got into a fight with somebody and instead of putting up their fists , they whipped out One Eyed Willie...THEY AUTOMATICALLY WIN . I'm not fighting a guy with his wang hanging out . EVER . First of all , anybody who would willingly try to hit you with their penis is not to be messed with . Secondly , if they're not scared of getting hit down there I'm scared of THEM . I've taken a few shots to the groinal area over the years and every time I would have rather had somebody give me a hundred paper cuts and then pour tobasco sauce into the wounds...and then hit me in the forehead with a hammer than to suffer the gut wrenching pain of the dreaded nut shot . Thirdly , that's just not hygienic , man!!!!
So I guess the "Iron Crotch" style of fighting is succesful if most people are like me . Once you've mastered the "Flying Trouser Harpoon " technique you can pretty much just stop learning anything else . That's the one that'll win the fight for you right there . Fuck all of that grueling physical training and committing your entire life to learning all of these crazy-ass fighting maneuvers and shit . Learn that one thing , then... I don't know , spend the rest of your life learning how to live with the nickname "Iron Crotch" . It seems like that would be the real challenge .
Apparently the afore mentioned man is a martial arts expert who is famous for his "Iron Crotch" style . I had absolutely NO idea that there even was such a thing . That's just...WOW . You know what ? If I ever got into a fight with somebody and instead of putting up their fists , they whipped out One Eyed Willie...THEY AUTOMATICALLY WIN . I'm not fighting a guy with his wang hanging out . EVER . First of all , anybody who would willingly try to hit you with their penis is not to be messed with . Secondly , if they're not scared of getting hit down there I'm scared of THEM . I've taken a few shots to the groinal area over the years and every time I would have rather had somebody give me a hundred paper cuts and then pour tobasco sauce into the wounds...and then hit me in the forehead with a hammer than to suffer the gut wrenching pain of the dreaded nut shot . Thirdly , that's just not hygienic , man!!!!
So I guess the "Iron Crotch" style of fighting is succesful if most people are like me . Once you've mastered the "Flying Trouser Harpoon " technique you can pretty much just stop learning anything else . That's the one that'll win the fight for you right there . Fuck all of that grueling physical training and committing your entire life to learning all of these crazy-ass fighting maneuvers and shit . Learn that one thing , then... I don't know , spend the rest of your life learning how to live with the nickname "Iron Crotch" . It seems like that would be the real challenge .
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Great "alternate" news site!!
AN ASSISTANT kicked him hard between the legs before he lashed himself to the vehicle. What the hell kind of guy needs an assistant to kick him in the fucking balls? Yeesh.
And yes. Getting VS underwear is a much better present than those crappy Wal-Mart packaged ones. More sparkly, and well, they're just plain pretty.