So I'm kind of torn about the new remake of King Kong that Peter Jackson is putting out . The original Kong is my all time favorite movie ever , so I don't want to see it bastardized by modern day Hollywood like so many others have been lately . In fact I can't think of a GOOD remake that has come out lately . That's what bugs me . The problem is that Hollywood keeps trying to remake movies that were done well in the first place . Why don't they try to remake movies that were screwed up the first time around ? How about Killdozer , or even Over The Top ? Movies about homicidal construction equipment and arm wrestling truck drivers deserve , NAY...DEMAND to be remade . Leave the good movies alone .
Here are a few ideas that I have for some big budget Hollywood remakes .
1 ) MIDGET STAR WARS . The original Star Wars trilogy made with an entire cast of midgets . Lucas keeps fucking with it , might as well take the next step .
2 ) A big flashy musical , like Grease , made with all ducks . Ducks in cars , ducks playing football , ducks getting into zany teen hijinks . That has summer blockbuster written ALL over it .
3 ) Godzilla...again . Only this time...NO MONSTER . Brilliant , right ? Yeah , the Japanese start tracking this enormous blip coming from under the water...straight toward Tokyo . They begin to build up there defenses . They even create an enormous weaponized robot that will fight the destructive sea monster . Then as the mysterious blip is right off the coast and the tension is at its peak . He decides to go back out to sea . You never even SEE Godzilla . How's THAT for a twist ending ?
4 ) Wait...I just had an even better idea for Grease than an all duck cast . We'll turn it into a MUSICAL PORNO called LUBE . Nobody's ever done a musical porno to my knowledge . Come on!!!! Folks love porn . Folks love singing . Two . Two . it's time for you guys to get together already .
Hollywood just isn't ready for cutting-edge ideas like this . Go ahead . Make The Golden Girls into a movie starring all Eskimo teenagers . Remake Braveheart , but with NINJAS!!!! I dare you to do THOSE movies you bunch of un-original douchebags . I double DOG dare 'ya!!!!
Here are a few ideas that I have for some big budget Hollywood remakes .
1 ) MIDGET STAR WARS . The original Star Wars trilogy made with an entire cast of midgets . Lucas keeps fucking with it , might as well take the next step .
2 ) A big flashy musical , like Grease , made with all ducks . Ducks in cars , ducks playing football , ducks getting into zany teen hijinks . That has summer blockbuster written ALL over it .
3 ) Godzilla...again . Only this time...NO MONSTER . Brilliant , right ? Yeah , the Japanese start tracking this enormous blip coming from under the water...straight toward Tokyo . They begin to build up there defenses . They even create an enormous weaponized robot that will fight the destructive sea monster . Then as the mysterious blip is right off the coast and the tension is at its peak . He decides to go back out to sea . You never even SEE Godzilla . How's THAT for a twist ending ?
4 ) Wait...I just had an even better idea for Grease than an all duck cast . We'll turn it into a MUSICAL PORNO called LUBE . Nobody's ever done a musical porno to my knowledge . Come on!!!! Folks love porn . Folks love singing . Two . Two . it's time for you guys to get together already .
Hollywood just isn't ready for cutting-edge ideas like this . Go ahead . Make The Golden Girls into a movie starring all Eskimo teenagers . Remake Braveheart , but with NINJAS!!!! I dare you to do THOSE movies you bunch of un-original douchebags . I double DOG dare 'ya!!!!
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although it might have been a porno-mirage
...i get those sometimes