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timtv

Macon, MO

Member Since 2004

Followers 14 Following 17

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Monday Aug 08, 2005

Aug 8, 2005
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"It takes a strong back to support wings." - Jenne Giles



One of my good friends asked me to comment on the subject of dating. Here is how I replied... (paraphrased, of course)

###


Date?! I don't date! I mean, I would, if I was a real person... But I'm crazily bound into this savage cocoon in which I struggle every day to grow wings. Have you ever tried to grow wings? It's intense! But caterpillars do it every day. Well, not every day, but at least a few days a year... Anyway, I digress...


I cannot date. It's just not in me to do. What I do is some kind of a weird nature show get-to-know-you ritual. Boy or girl, I sort of follow a pattern when it comes to meeting someone. Lets see if I can capture it with 2D words I generally will do something unusual or conventionally absurd in their presence and note their reaction.


- Rabid pugnacious disapproval = Avoid eye contact, shift focus, move on.

- General amusement = Proceed unheeded

- Frothing and twitching = Magnify and exacerbate, because they are about to be broken free from their previous shell of a world

- Enchanted excitement = My kind of weirdo, find out more!


Then I generally stare at them throughout the night and say ridiculous things, such as "Est-ce que tu Bonjour?" (Do you Hello?) If they respond in kind, with something like "Oui j'ai une calcatrice!" (Yes, I have a calculator!) then I trust them with my friendship. With the mental barrier passed, we move on to the physical trials.


I push, pull, flip, grab, hug and/or flirt with this person. The more comfortable they are with being touched (especially in boys), the more security it shows, and generally the more comfortable they are with their bodies. Good sign. And so from there, its the test of time. My good friend Lynn once said Tim, you are a puzzle; an enigma. But sadly, most people dont have time for puzzles.


So if I am to be a moments passing amusement, so be it. I amuse me, I amuse you, Im happy, theyre happy; everybody wins! But depth grows like rings on a tree, and the people who stick around and let me get to know them better often have a deeper and more profound connection. When I first started camping with the Carneys at Burning Man 4 years ago (the 2 years before that I was on my own), every day I was in-and-gone. I gave them my love and trust in small flashed and enlightened touchdowns each day. I didnt know them well enough for more. But through the many get-togethers and long walks and talks, Ive grown so close to them that they are more special to me than family. I have a special and unique place in their hearts, and they in mine. I put up with so many years of Friends-Of-Convenience & Half-Hearted-Enemies to find these people, I am grateful every time we convene.


So, yeah. I dont put people through trials or judge them as a calculated or guarded or measured thing; its just the way I ease into things. Its natural and unfolding. It "allows" rather than "forces". I can only love who I trust. And a moments trust is easily given, but loves trust wears gilded wings grown while twisting in this savage cocoon.

TimTv




Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet, only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.

- Helen Keller


conclusion:
bravo
Aug 8, 2005
dragynn:
yup... you still make me smile.
Aug 12, 2005

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