tigress

Lately I've been in a state of constant confusion and my decision-making skills seem to be constantly tested. I am not a very good decision maker, I consider myself to be indecisive but I guess this is good practice in "taking control" and god damn do I feel better about myself!
I have been frustrated and confused but I'm really glad to have some place where I can vent and have support. I do thank you all. really.
I've been a bitch and I will apologize for that.
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I had my boytoy over last night and whoa! yeah! that boy has got the magic touch.
Afterwards we spoke for a few hours and then I had to go to work. yeah, no fuckin sleep dudes
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I get to work and I have an e-mail from the boss....I'm thinking whatever. I get into his office and i notice he's talking at everyone else but not to me or even at me. so I walk out. why do I walk out? well, because he's been really shady with me lately. I literally am about 10 feet from his office and he never has the balls to talk to me. He'd rather send me e-mails than face me. NO THIS IS NOT AN EXAGGERATION. I've noticed this since day 1. At my last job in NY I had a very similar problem. The boss would not tell me a damn thing. Instead I would have to hear shit from coworkers... The day I got laid off she was real quick to offer me another position because "they didn't want to lose me" BULL SHIT!
Now, I have the same issue with family members....no one steps up to me or tells me anything that might rub me the wrong way. Now this has been bugging me. I'm wondering why????? why the fuck won't people tell me what or how they really feel???? Do they think I can't handle it? do they think I'm a bit too volatile? am I just a bitch to deal with?
so I cried. I was fucking hurt. I keep thinking that maybe everyone is just a flat out hypocrite and I start taking out my ANGER out on anyone who dares give me bullshit. I know it's not fair. But fuck it. If people don't believe in honesty or showing me the respect I feel i deserve then why should I be nice?

I know why no one wants to "upset" me. I have a very strong angry side that no one wants to deal with and they resort to biting their tongues and keeping quiet. But this bothers me more than you can ever imagine. I'd rather be told that I'm fucked up than told nothing at all. I'm too receptive to what people feel and most likely already know what and how you feel anyway so you can't reallly try and hide it from me.
Holey shit this is steep!!!
This is what happens when you don't address an issue for years!
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I had to get that out. I think it's way unhealthy to hold things in and put on a happy facade!
I feel a lot better because I think I understand why people do the things the things they do. It's not their fault.

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so these are my q's:

1-Would you tell someone what you care about how really felt about them no matter what the repercussions or consequences may be? I'm very honest and straightfoward and never really consider what people's reactions might be. I tend to talk before I think.


2-Aren't I "deeper" than you thought?
duh...I know I can get deep and intense at times. I like throwing people off

3-What's your fave song at the moment? uh shit..why the fuck did I ask this ? I know...Don't asnwer a question with a question! hahaha!


Happy wed nes day....

Keep the mother fucking smiley alive




Omy fucking goodness!!! I just found 200 fucking dollars!!!
This has never ever happend to me. I feel bad. well almost hahahha! im so fucking happy. This whole week has been shit