A few months ago was the banquet for my rugby team - Reading Rugby - needless to say it was a good time and the bar was open for us for 4 hours. Drunkenness happened.
We work closely with the Albright College Rugby team who are a very good team in DII rugby and beat such schools as Wake Forest, Penn State and Tennessee. A few of our guys (me included) train with their team to get better.
The AR coach is a big ass dude, about 6'4" and 300 pounds with unreal power. He ain't a fat fuck at all. Keep all this in mind as I tell this story...
Later in the evening in question we are at the banquet hall ball, the players are already shitfaced, the coach and a few of his players are getting there...so when I get drunk I get a little rammy. I reach out and nail him right in the balls. Don't ask...it seems to be a rugby tradition as to how many people you can ballshot in a night. He drops to his knees....His captain, Sal, was yelling, "That was the best thing I ever saw..I NEVER saw coach get hit like that." Hey, it was worth it.
So I take my date and go home to change for Legends (the kilt goes on)...which is a club I bounce at. I was already half in the bag at that time so it was destined to be a fun night...especially since it was only 11 at night....
We get to Legends and I start to drink more, then I don't remember anything until 3:30AM, at 5AM in the Wawa parking lot and then blacked out again until 12 noon when I woke up in my driveway...This is what the coach said at a recent function/meeting to a bunch of us, who were laughing their asses off hearing the story.
Coach (paraphrasing): "So we are in Legends and some asshole insults my former captain Matt Robison who is fighting in Iraq right now and I am telling this motherfucker off. Jay (me
) is next to me and we are arm in arm laughing at this asshole, when I go into an emotional speech to the Albright Rugby Alumni and the other Reading Rugby guys about how special we are to be some of the few hardcore enough to play this sport...When this asshole (points to me) starts hitting me in the balls with the force of a jackhammer. As I am falling to my knees he is laughing and the only thing I can think of is a double-barrelled shotgun in his mouth and pulling the trigger. In the midst of all of this, he steals my hat (the Albright Rugby Hat). Well, the bar is closing so we all go home.
The next morning I get an e-mail from a Reading Police Officer saying this: Coach, I encountered one of your players slumped over the passenger seat of his car in the Wawa parking lot on Rockland Street. He was a burly man, wearing a kilt and wearing an Albright Hat. I knocked on his window and asked him if he wanted me to call his coach to give him a ride back to school and he said no that he would make the call. As I walked into Wawa to get a cup of coffee to wait until you showed up...he took off. I came out and tried to follow him in my car but I couldn't find him to give him a DUI. Coach, please tell your players that the next time I cut them a break not to go ahead and drive anyway thereby putting the community and themselves in danger."
Next thing I remember is waking up in my driveway at noon by my neighbor knocking on my window...with my car still running.
Like I said...it was a rather fun night.
Needless to say...he didn't get the hat back and I told him that he will never get it back. That is my lucky hat now.
We work closely with the Albright College Rugby team who are a very good team in DII rugby and beat such schools as Wake Forest, Penn State and Tennessee. A few of our guys (me included) train with their team to get better.
The AR coach is a big ass dude, about 6'4" and 300 pounds with unreal power. He ain't a fat fuck at all. Keep all this in mind as I tell this story...
Later in the evening in question we are at the banquet hall ball, the players are already shitfaced, the coach and a few of his players are getting there...so when I get drunk I get a little rammy. I reach out and nail him right in the balls. Don't ask...it seems to be a rugby tradition as to how many people you can ballshot in a night. He drops to his knees....His captain, Sal, was yelling, "That was the best thing I ever saw..I NEVER saw coach get hit like that." Hey, it was worth it.
So I take my date and go home to change for Legends (the kilt goes on)...which is a club I bounce at. I was already half in the bag at that time so it was destined to be a fun night...especially since it was only 11 at night....
We get to Legends and I start to drink more, then I don't remember anything until 3:30AM, at 5AM in the Wawa parking lot and then blacked out again until 12 noon when I woke up in my driveway...This is what the coach said at a recent function/meeting to a bunch of us, who were laughing their asses off hearing the story.
Coach (paraphrasing): "So we are in Legends and some asshole insults my former captain Matt Robison who is fighting in Iraq right now and I am telling this motherfucker off. Jay (me
) is next to me and we are arm in arm laughing at this asshole, when I go into an emotional speech to the Albright Rugby Alumni and the other Reading Rugby guys about how special we are to be some of the few hardcore enough to play this sport...When this asshole (points to me) starts hitting me in the balls with the force of a jackhammer. As I am falling to my knees he is laughing and the only thing I can think of is a double-barrelled shotgun in his mouth and pulling the trigger. In the midst of all of this, he steals my hat (the Albright Rugby Hat). Well, the bar is closing so we all go home.
The next morning I get an e-mail from a Reading Police Officer saying this: Coach, I encountered one of your players slumped over the passenger seat of his car in the Wawa parking lot on Rockland Street. He was a burly man, wearing a kilt and wearing an Albright Hat. I knocked on his window and asked him if he wanted me to call his coach to give him a ride back to school and he said no that he would make the call. As I walked into Wawa to get a cup of coffee to wait until you showed up...he took off. I came out and tried to follow him in my car but I couldn't find him to give him a DUI. Coach, please tell your players that the next time I cut them a break not to go ahead and drive anyway thereby putting the community and themselves in danger."
Next thing I remember is waking up in my driveway at noon by my neighbor knocking on my window...with my car still running.
Like I said...it was a rather fun night.
Needless to say...he didn't get the hat back and I told him that he will never get it back. That is my lucky hat now.
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A few Savannah tips:
- "Relaxed" open container law: meaning, you can ask for a "to go" cup at the bars downtown and they will give you one, but don't take anything glass outside with you.
- River Street fills up early and the lines get long quick. Two-fist your drinks once you get there.
- Check www.savannahnow.com for St. Pat's info before you go, if you haven't alredy.
- Don't wander around downtown too much at night... find out where you're going beforehand. You can go from an okay neighborhood to a really, really bad one in about three minutes.
- Have fun.