tiggre

i hate having to make difficult decisions of whether i want someone in my life or not. when on the surface and in their flowery words everything seems perfect, there is usually a truth somewhere deep down that doesn't quite match up.

it seems that the men in my life, hell who am i kidding, men i general, are so good at telling you how amazing you are and how into you they are, but not as good at reflecting it throught their actions. its funny how naive they seem to think i am. just because i may not actually witness the side of these men that conflicts with the sweet, insightful, caring, mature side doesn't mean i don't know its there.
it seems all too often men think i'm great, and then also think just about any other woman that comes in their path is just as great. why am i never enough?...

again, i'm not naive. i'm not sure i believe in monogamy. not so much because of myself, but because of the way i see others behave and the way that i know men are just wired to be biologically. even though i want to, i understand i can't get mad at humans for simply being human. we are animals when it comes down to it. (some more than others) it would make my life so much easier if i could be the carefree girl that doesn't ever get jealous, doesn't require plenty of attention. i wish i could be the girl who brings home ladies for threesomes with my boyfriend, or didn't care if he was out being flirty and provocative with other women. i wish i could be the girl who doesn't expect someone to be satisfied with me and only me... but i'm not that girl.
maybe its wishful thinking but i just wish i could find a guy who maybe thinks a little less with his dick than with his head and heart. i understand there are lots of attractive people out there (i live in l.a. for christs sake) but would it kill you to realize that maybe you found someone great and just deal with them and maybe say forget everybody else?...

and to you (you know who you are) it seems like you're a great person. you've done nothing but be kind and understanding to me, but i saw a few things yesterday that i should probably take as warning signs. i made this decision based on experience. it seems exactly like the beginning of a relationship with the last young man i was absolutely smittened with. all the online flirting and belonging to all these lame websites, and telling me all these things that i was too stupid to realize before are probably being said to many people. i've made the mistake of thinking i was special to someone before and in the end they never give a shit. they just want to talk to girls and keep pussy on deck. i want to think you are a good guy, i just don't know what to believe anymore about anyone... and i understand it can't be anything serous right now, first of all its so soon, and second of all we are not close to eachother, which makes things difficult. so pease don't think i'm psycho and already claiming you and blah blah blah (guys always want to think you're psycho, when all it is is that you know what you want and aren't afraid to put it on the table) i don't want someone who isn't loyal and is a pervert. at least if you're gonna act like a web-slut have some taste. just makes me wonder about myself when i see the other ones you seem to like. ok, now i'm just going off on a tangent.
just know that i like you. i have respect for you and you're very attractive. i just don't want to get hurt. i don't think the situation is conducive to what i want. and i don't think you're in the right mindset to be able to give it to me.

p.s. to everyone, i am deleting my sg profile. it was nice meeting you all, but this is bullshit. just another way of putting people in boxes. this site claims to embrace individuality and not put anyone in a box. bullshit. if you believe that this site is any different than a playboy or whatever, you are wrong. it doesn't make you unique or hardcore to like the same shit over and over again. just as with playboy or anything else in this industry (and yes it is an industry) they only allow girls on here with tattoos piercings and other "weirdness" that is a pigeonhole in and of itself. and how many god damn pale ass gingers can i really see in a day. eeewww. just because you fit into a pigeonhole doesn't mean its beautiful. (sorry gingers) ok, i am one angry girl right now, wow. but seriously, there is no such thing in the "entertainment business" as defying stereotypes and you all should know that. plus its taking to long to make me a suicide girl. doesn't pay well and i have so many better things to focus on. just thought it would be fun. i used to really like this site because i thought i would fit in. oh well, guess not. peace...