tigersaint

the thirty-sixth night:

i have been moving through the city. i have been learning her curves and lines. i have been walking her hills as if i were discovering the shape of a new lover's thighs. i have been gliding into shops and slipping in between people while they talk, a scent, a shadow, unnoticed on quiet feet. i have been riding her buses aimlessly, watching the buildings glide by, smelling the people in their worn clothes, wordlessly helping people with their bags, moving out of the way before they see me, giving up my seat for anyone who looked more tired than i am.

i have been leaving early in the morning and returning late at night. i have been listening to people and trying to remember the music of their voices, i have been studying the shapes of their eyes, and the birds that fly with the movement of their angel hands.

i have been alone and lonely, excited and curious in turns, trying to figure out my home.

by the time i saw him, i hadn't talked to anyone for 36 hours straight. by the time i saw him, i was hungry for connection and heat.

i had been sitting in the same chair for the whole afternoon. i had watched the sun set early in this winter-town. i drank coffee until i was feeling it right under my skin. then i drank jasmine tea until i felt my eyelids like warm liquid, my mouth tasting like heaven.

he acted as if he had been reading a book for an hour, but really he had been watching me write letters. he was younger than me, but not too young; baby faced, but his hands were worn, he had ink around his nails.

he had a smallish mouth with a fine cupid's bow. his eyes were light, his lashes long. he had soft curly hair, it fell across his forehead. he was wearing just a black t-shirt and slacks. his skin was winter pale, and the hair on his arms was very fine, he was smooth. he was thin, but the veins on his forearm were like rivers on a map, just under the skin.

his posture was relaxed, but his feet were nervous. i watched him until he set down his book. he smiled at me, but i just cocked my head to the side and started putting my things away.

i pulled on my backpack and walked over to his table. he looked up at me, smiling. he began to talk to me, but i put my finger up in front of his lips. i turned to the man at the table next to his, motioning for the pen he was using.

i took my bus transfer out of my pocket and wrote something in quick script, handed the pen back to the man with a big smile on my face and took the cupid bowed boy's hand in mine. i pressed the transfer into his palm while i smiled at him, my eyes tracing the line of his mouth, his eyebrows knit into a question mark, unsure what i was doing.

i gave him back his hand, empty, and turned around, walking towards the entrance of the coffee shop. when i got to the door i turned around and motioned for him to come with me.

he grabbed his things quickly and jumped up out of his seat, following me like a puppy.

i slipped my hand around his arm and pulled him close to me, leading him up one street and then to the next, turning corners and climbing hills, walking quickly. i was taking him farther and farther from the main drag, into the more residential area, where the rich of this town live, with high walls and gates around their homes. there were finely manicured lawns and cherry blossoms everywhere, lining the streets, holding rain in their petals until they are so heavy they fall to the ground, floating in puddles and crushed under the soles of our feet.

everytime he tried to talk to me i just shook my head and smiled, my hand slipping under the sleeve of his shirt, caressing his skin reassuringly, my eyes laughing at his obvious confusion.

when we got to the street i wanted i slowed down, taking his hand in mine, leading him to the end of the street, where there was a small bench. there were very few streetlights on and when i turned to him i could barely see his face.

by this time he realized that trying to talk to me was useless. without warning i pulled him close to me, close enough that i could feel his breath against my lips. i traced my fingers down along his cheekbones, and his jawline. i slipped one hand under his shirt and the other back around his neck. i felt his eyelashes on my cheek, i felt his heart beating in his chest.

i slipped my fingers up into his hair and pulled his head back slowly. i dragged my lips along his throat, i scraped my nails down his chest, across his nipples, letting my fingers rest on his stomach as i kissed his collarbone, then the side of his neck. i planted small kisses up on his jaw and licked the line of his earlobe.

i brought my mouth around to his, our lips barely touching. i kissed first his top lip, and then the bottom one. i sucked it gently into my mouth and bit it playfully.

then i kissed him deeply, holding his face in my hands, feeding on his mouth. i kissed him hard, hungrily, moaning into him as his tongue slid between my lips and his hands grabbed at my hips, pulling me onto him. i straddled him and kissed him like that, letting him explore my body, one hand slipping down the back of my low slung pants, the other sliding into my hoodie, discovering there was nothing underneath.

i was grinding against him, letting him suck on my neck, pulling his head back hard to kiss him again, feeling him hard against me, his hand slipping down the front of my pants now, teasing me, feeling how wet i was as i sucked on his tongue. i pulled his hand out of my pants and up to my mouth so i could lick his fingers clean before kissing him again, grinding harder now, riding him like this, through our clothes, panting into each other, all grabbing hands and frustration.

i rode him like that until he was holding me so tight i could feel his fingers bruising my back, his ink stained nails digging into my skin. i rode him like that until he was groaning and whimpering that he was going to cum in his pants. i rocked my hips and moaned in his ear, gasping and begging without words for him to cum, to feel his body jerk against me.

i rode him like that until he couldn't take it anymore and with a loud choked sigh his body froze against mine, his nails breaking the skin of my back, my teeth digging into his shoulder.

i nuzzled my face into his neck as i felt his body relax, his hands stroking my back, his breath slowing and becoming soft.

i lifted myself up slightly and looked into his glassy eyes. i kissed him for the last time, gently, and climbed off of his lap.

i straightened my clothes and pulled on my backpack, feeling the welts from his fingernails raw against the fabric of my sweatshirt.

i pulled my transfer once again out of my pocket and took his hand in mine. i brought his palm up to my mouth and kissed it, smelling my scent on his fingers before letting him caress my cheek.

again i pushed the transfer into his palm, into the mark i had left with my lips, this time leaving it there.

as i walked away i heard him read what i had written slowly.

once, twice, then three times.