this weekend it's Miss Exotic World or bust! (or maybe i should say AND bust. and ass. 
) i can't wait.
go say hi to my friend Dov444 who finally joined.
this past month has seen the apex of so many things that i've been working on/going through, and in it's ultimate way, it's really wonderful, and i'm so grateful. at times it's also been excruciating, because as i pierce through to the core of so many issues, they peak with intensity. at first glance it seems like things have gotten worse, but when i take it out of the context of the story, and look at the subtext underneath, the excruciating beauty of the healing shines through. i'm putting into practice a deceivingly simple lesson i've been studying for several years, but only until recently has it finally taken sturdy root...that i can be happy, peaceful, buoyant despite external events. and even if those events are causing me emotional pain, they still don't negate my birthright of joy.
several nights ago, i got to spend a last evening with two of the most wonderful people in the world, before they ended their 6 month travelling spree and head back to england. their very presence is inspiring, so positive and uplifting. for me, they are absolutely magical and in many ways they represent ways of being that i desire to emulate and become. a delightful part of our connection, is that they seem to feel the same way about me, and i feel completely cherished in their presence. it's such a relief to be so received, because much of what i've experienced with people dear to my heart in the last several months is resistance. holding my heart out in my hands, i'm bewildered when someone turns up their nose in distaste. it's so incomprehensible, that it makes me feel crazy. by the same token, i'm learning in a very deep way, to not keep knocking on closed doors. my natural inclination is to express my authentic heart, regardless of how doing so may make me feel...to be any other way is an intolerable lie. i also don't buy into other people's closed hearts, because i know it's a charade, "i know your heart is in there somewhere...i can hear it beating...come on...don't be scared." but eventually, if someone else won't accept the invitation, it's just ok to walk away.
yesterday was intense, in just the right way, in just such a way that i've been requesting and creating. i spent the morning with skye, at his new glorious house in fairfax...quaint and rustic, with stunning views of the open marin hills and mountains. there is a winding trail right near by, that we decided to explore, and i've never been on a better hike. rare native wildflowers making their final appearance in the drying june grass...creek monkeyflower, ithurial's spear, mariposa lily...surprise springs wetting the blue serpentine soil and hot sun that i soaked up like a glutton. skye was enthralled and spouted enthusiastically, "this is a great trail! i have an idea...let's go a little bit farther on this trail every day!" i walked up the steep incline, feeling the shakiness and worry slough off, the mental chatter recede...and i thought, "i'm crazy to think i could ever live permanently in the city"...just one hour in the wilderness and i feel returned to myself. up ahead on the path, brown fur, tall ears and springy feet send out a reverberation and i recognize my essence in the loping form of a relaxed jackrabbit.
in the afternoon, i returned back to the city to keep my appointment with howard ludwig from the sword and the rose, to have my astrological chart read. two hours later, i'm trying to recover my head and my socks, which have been blown off. i knew he'd be good, but i. had. no. idea. he was sort of rushing it at first, and i wondered why since we had two hours. as we delved into it, i realized he was really excited about the more complex parts of my chart, concerning the aspects...excitedly and lovingly "i've never seen this before". he explained everything...every single twist and turn of my path through spirituality, relationship, career, self-discovery, my childhood...EVERYTHING. it was so incredibly validating. first and foremost to finally really understand that i'm not crazy...what i have experienced and gone through in my life, for better or worse, all completely makes sense, and for the worse stuff...is not a result of something i've done wrong. for the better stuff, i no longer have to doubt the remarkable occurences in my life and the abilities that seem to be mine and mine alone. my moon is in virgo, and so much of the overly analytical and mental activity that plagues my life is directly because of the way virgo is, and the fact that my moon sits at the top of my chart...so to illustrate...i have a very practical, orderly, perceptive and intelligent school marm trying desperately to keep in line the rest of my chart which is like a class full of extremely emotional, powerful, psychic and magical wizards with ADD.
i'll tell you more once i've digested it all...i've got it on tape thankfully. but in the meantime i feel like i've been given the piece to the puzzle i've been waiting for all my life, the one i wasn't sure i would ever get.
so look out world, because i'm going to rock you.
) i can't wait.
go say hi to my friend Dov444 who finally joined.
this past month has seen the apex of so many things that i've been working on/going through, and in it's ultimate way, it's really wonderful, and i'm so grateful. at times it's also been excruciating, because as i pierce through to the core of so many issues, they peak with intensity. at first glance it seems like things have gotten worse, but when i take it out of the context of the story, and look at the subtext underneath, the excruciating beauty of the healing shines through. i'm putting into practice a deceivingly simple lesson i've been studying for several years, but only until recently has it finally taken sturdy root...that i can be happy, peaceful, buoyant despite external events. and even if those events are causing me emotional pain, they still don't negate my birthright of joy.
several nights ago, i got to spend a last evening with two of the most wonderful people in the world, before they ended their 6 month travelling spree and head back to england. their very presence is inspiring, so positive and uplifting. for me, they are absolutely magical and in many ways they represent ways of being that i desire to emulate and become. a delightful part of our connection, is that they seem to feel the same way about me, and i feel completely cherished in their presence. it's such a relief to be so received, because much of what i've experienced with people dear to my heart in the last several months is resistance. holding my heart out in my hands, i'm bewildered when someone turns up their nose in distaste. it's so incomprehensible, that it makes me feel crazy. by the same token, i'm learning in a very deep way, to not keep knocking on closed doors. my natural inclination is to express my authentic heart, regardless of how doing so may make me feel...to be any other way is an intolerable lie. i also don't buy into other people's closed hearts, because i know it's a charade, "i know your heart is in there somewhere...i can hear it beating...come on...don't be scared." but eventually, if someone else won't accept the invitation, it's just ok to walk away.
yesterday was intense, in just the right way, in just such a way that i've been requesting and creating. i spent the morning with skye, at his new glorious house in fairfax...quaint and rustic, with stunning views of the open marin hills and mountains. there is a winding trail right near by, that we decided to explore, and i've never been on a better hike. rare native wildflowers making their final appearance in the drying june grass...creek monkeyflower, ithurial's spear, mariposa lily...surprise springs wetting the blue serpentine soil and hot sun that i soaked up like a glutton. skye was enthralled and spouted enthusiastically, "this is a great trail! i have an idea...let's go a little bit farther on this trail every day!" i walked up the steep incline, feeling the shakiness and worry slough off, the mental chatter recede...and i thought, "i'm crazy to think i could ever live permanently in the city"...just one hour in the wilderness and i feel returned to myself. up ahead on the path, brown fur, tall ears and springy feet send out a reverberation and i recognize my essence in the loping form of a relaxed jackrabbit.
in the afternoon, i returned back to the city to keep my appointment with howard ludwig from the sword and the rose, to have my astrological chart read. two hours later, i'm trying to recover my head and my socks, which have been blown off. i knew he'd be good, but i. had. no. idea. he was sort of rushing it at first, and i wondered why since we had two hours. as we delved into it, i realized he was really excited about the more complex parts of my chart, concerning the aspects...excitedly and lovingly "i've never seen this before". he explained everything...every single twist and turn of my path through spirituality, relationship, career, self-discovery, my childhood...EVERYTHING. it was so incredibly validating. first and foremost to finally really understand that i'm not crazy...what i have experienced and gone through in my life, for better or worse, all completely makes sense, and for the worse stuff...is not a result of something i've done wrong. for the better stuff, i no longer have to doubt the remarkable occurences in my life and the abilities that seem to be mine and mine alone. my moon is in virgo, and so much of the overly analytical and mental activity that plagues my life is directly because of the way virgo is, and the fact that my moon sits at the top of my chart...so to illustrate...i have a very practical, orderly, perceptive and intelligent school marm trying desperately to keep in line the rest of my chart which is like a class full of extremely emotional, powerful, psychic and magical wizards with ADD.
i'll tell you more once i've digested it all...i've got it on tape thankfully. but in the meantime i feel like i've been given the piece to the puzzle i've been waiting for all my life, the one i wasn't sure i would ever get.
so look out world, because i'm going to rock you.
VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
naiad_:
I heard about what happened at Peaches. That sucks!! 
zode:
I'm Looking forward to seeing Lords of Dogtown. It might be OK. It was written by Stacy Peralta who directed Z Boys and was one of the original crew. You're right the doc was great.