The Take Over: a satire (also posted at SexAtTheBlog.com under penname Alyssa Roma)
Isnt it amazing how dogs easily roam the city streets as if they own the world? Like wolves, they are in packs. Howling in the night like couple of drunken maniacs, they are begging to be put away. Furry, dirty beasts, and yet no one seems to mind. This is because after thousands of years of evolution, after they stood on their hind legs, after they stopped speaking in feral growls, these modern dogs, in result, became a credit to their whole species. They are almost no different from civil human beings. Even their semblances have become uncanny.
Theyve become the best athletes; with their natural speed and stamina, they move from the betting tracks to the Olympics, and they dont hunt to flush out the game anymore but instead they hunt for sport.
They make use of their tongues finally forming audible words. Theyve become well-spoken orators, lawyers and politicians.
These dogs development is impressive, however as a single woman living in the lonely city of Los Angeles, sometimes I think each deserve the ancient Bob Barker treatment or should be left in the pound awaiting his lethal injection.
This actually kind of reminds me of me and my ex on our first date. lol.
It sounds cruel, Ill admit that, but most women cant cross a busy street without getting sexually harassed and/or attacked by these beasts. When on the road, these dogs hang their heads out the windows of their moving vehicles, and when they catch glance at you, with tongues panting in the breeze, they will holler at you girl, leering as if youre a succulent piece of meat. And say I were to go to a night club with some girlfriends and go dancing, a pack of wild dogs will fill the room, surrounding us, hounding us, pawing at us upon the dance floor. These horny animals will do more than try to hump legs. They will resort to sneaking up from behind when youre not looking too.
A good straight single man was difficult to find as it is, but since the advancement and evolution of these hounds, the likelihood of womens simple wish fulfilled became an impossible feat, much like transitioning a too-good-to-be-true, sweet and respectful, yet queer, mans sexual orientation.
My theory is that mans best friend is a bad influence on him, that the faithful Lassie stereotype is a hoax blinding man from the awakening of his own primal urges and the rise of the underdogs. Its the beasts ploy to take over the world; the beast shall consume the man when he least expects it and take his place.
A groomed dog took me out to dinner once. At first, I was oblivious that I was even dating one of these animals. His actions emulated that of man, but his true nature inevitably was unmasked. At the very end of the night, he expected me to throw him a bone. Typical and if it werent for his personality and charm, I would have mistaken him for a pig.
But we ladies cant be choosy now, can we? Those arrogant beasts will keep pissing on the world because they think its theirs and because they simply can, and sitting around and bitching wont do us any good. If you dont want to turn into the crazy cat lover and/or lonely old spinster, you must take action now, for the clock is ticking.
So where to even begin? First consider these two things: 1) throughout history, dogs have made lifelong companions, and 2) dogs are trainable. Take these lessons to heart and you will be happier because if every woman owned at least one dog, then thats one less dog on the prowl for women. Your dogs territorial and alpha male instincts will kick in (especially in public) and he will protect and defend you from the other beasts. And if youre afraid he will run astray, perhaps in curiosity for another owner (he is an animal after all), remember the leash is in your hand, and you can tug it as hard as you want, and make it as short as you want.
The most important keys to training your dog (or anyone for that matter) are motivations. They are the rewards to be gained and the punishments to be avoided, and the most basic motivations of any animals are satisfying hunger and the gratifying pleasures of sex.
With the food rewards, theres nothing to worry about. The beast himself usually takes care of it (unless hes a cheapskate) in attempt to lure you in with an invite to a date, treating you to a meal. If you can, I suggest your turn your pursuer down a few times before accepting a date. It will give you the upper hand as this will make the dog more persistent when yearning for you. He will perform tricks for your attention. His attempts may inspire faith in his loyalty which is what you should be keeping an eye out for.
As for having sexual intercourse with these hounds, it is understandable if the thought makes you cringe (they are the harassers/attackers after all), but I assure you it is absolutely necessary especially if youre considering them for a life mate. Besides, there is the possibility you might actually enjoy yourself.
The training of a dog is no different than the taming of the wild Enkidu. You have to draw him away from the pack, and one night of pleasure wont make him stay forever. One night of pleasure would become a mere amusing conquest amongst him and his brethren. You have to do better and become powerful through seduction like how courtesan Shamhat made love to Enkidu for six days and seven nights. He will embrace her and the game of the wilderness will surly reject him, the wise words of King Gilgamesh, they are applicable to the dogs of today. The scent of your sex and the essence of the relationship between you and your dog will make his pack turn away from him and flee. Nothing should stand in your way.
If dogs think they own this world, let them think it because they wont realize who actually owns them. And if they do figure it out and dont want to play anymore then let sleeping dogs lie. You can always find a fresh young pup to train. Dog years are not that long anyway.
Isnt it amazing how dogs easily roam the city streets as if they own the world? Like wolves, they are in packs. Howling in the night like couple of drunken maniacs, they are begging to be put away. Furry, dirty beasts, and yet no one seems to mind. This is because after thousands of years of evolution, after they stood on their hind legs, after they stopped speaking in feral growls, these modern dogs, in result, became a credit to their whole species. They are almost no different from civil human beings. Even their semblances have become uncanny.
Theyve become the best athletes; with their natural speed and stamina, they move from the betting tracks to the Olympics, and they dont hunt to flush out the game anymore but instead they hunt for sport.
They make use of their tongues finally forming audible words. Theyve become well-spoken orators, lawyers and politicians.
These dogs development is impressive, however as a single woman living in the lonely city of Los Angeles, sometimes I think each deserve the ancient Bob Barker treatment or should be left in the pound awaiting his lethal injection.
This actually kind of reminds me of me and my ex on our first date. lol.
It sounds cruel, Ill admit that, but most women cant cross a busy street without getting sexually harassed and/or attacked by these beasts. When on the road, these dogs hang their heads out the windows of their moving vehicles, and when they catch glance at you, with tongues panting in the breeze, they will holler at you girl, leering as if youre a succulent piece of meat. And say I were to go to a night club with some girlfriends and go dancing, a pack of wild dogs will fill the room, surrounding us, hounding us, pawing at us upon the dance floor. These horny animals will do more than try to hump legs. They will resort to sneaking up from behind when youre not looking too.
A good straight single man was difficult to find as it is, but since the advancement and evolution of these hounds, the likelihood of womens simple wish fulfilled became an impossible feat, much like transitioning a too-good-to-be-true, sweet and respectful, yet queer, mans sexual orientation.
My theory is that mans best friend is a bad influence on him, that the faithful Lassie stereotype is a hoax blinding man from the awakening of his own primal urges and the rise of the underdogs. Its the beasts ploy to take over the world; the beast shall consume the man when he least expects it and take his place.
A groomed dog took me out to dinner once. At first, I was oblivious that I was even dating one of these animals. His actions emulated that of man, but his true nature inevitably was unmasked. At the very end of the night, he expected me to throw him a bone. Typical and if it werent for his personality and charm, I would have mistaken him for a pig.
But we ladies cant be choosy now, can we? Those arrogant beasts will keep pissing on the world because they think its theirs and because they simply can, and sitting around and bitching wont do us any good. If you dont want to turn into the crazy cat lover and/or lonely old spinster, you must take action now, for the clock is ticking.
So where to even begin? First consider these two things: 1) throughout history, dogs have made lifelong companions, and 2) dogs are trainable. Take these lessons to heart and you will be happier because if every woman owned at least one dog, then thats one less dog on the prowl for women. Your dogs territorial and alpha male instincts will kick in (especially in public) and he will protect and defend you from the other beasts. And if youre afraid he will run astray, perhaps in curiosity for another owner (he is an animal after all), remember the leash is in your hand, and you can tug it as hard as you want, and make it as short as you want.
The most important keys to training your dog (or anyone for that matter) are motivations. They are the rewards to be gained and the punishments to be avoided, and the most basic motivations of any animals are satisfying hunger and the gratifying pleasures of sex.
With the food rewards, theres nothing to worry about. The beast himself usually takes care of it (unless hes a cheapskate) in attempt to lure you in with an invite to a date, treating you to a meal. If you can, I suggest your turn your pursuer down a few times before accepting a date. It will give you the upper hand as this will make the dog more persistent when yearning for you. He will perform tricks for your attention. His attempts may inspire faith in his loyalty which is what you should be keeping an eye out for.
As for having sexual intercourse with these hounds, it is understandable if the thought makes you cringe (they are the harassers/attackers after all), but I assure you it is absolutely necessary especially if youre considering them for a life mate. Besides, there is the possibility you might actually enjoy yourself.
The training of a dog is no different than the taming of the wild Enkidu. You have to draw him away from the pack, and one night of pleasure wont make him stay forever. One night of pleasure would become a mere amusing conquest amongst him and his brethren. You have to do better and become powerful through seduction like how courtesan Shamhat made love to Enkidu for six days and seven nights. He will embrace her and the game of the wilderness will surly reject him, the wise words of King Gilgamesh, they are applicable to the dogs of today. The scent of your sex and the essence of the relationship between you and your dog will make his pack turn away from him and flee. Nothing should stand in your way.
If dogs think they own this world, let them think it because they wont realize who actually owns them. And if they do figure it out and dont want to play anymore then let sleeping dogs lie. You can always find a fresh young pup to train. Dog years are not that long anyway.
funkysatyr:
I love your writing. I hope you'll keep up your blog. Are you trying out to be a SG?
tigereyez310:
I don't exactly have a perfect body or the smoothest skin, but it doesn't hurt to try and fix that. Consider it a New Year's resolution.