tiffanyjewel

I am ubber depressed right now. I left my journal at my house and I really need to write so I guess I'm gonna dump on all of you. I just got into a fight with my best friend in IM and he turned off his computer on me while I begged him to talk to me. And as I type this I am fighting with another good friend because I can't confide in him all the shit I'm depressed about! So, stupid me here I am confiding in whoever wants to read this. I swear I'm fucking retarded sometimes But you guys are welcome to read! Why is it that everytime I get into a casual relationship the guys ends up falling in love with me and wantingto be all serious, when all I want is a casual relationship and to have fun. then when i finally fall in love and i feel like i am floating he tells me were friends. so i try to move on and i feel like i have this big gaping hole inside me and i can't deal so i try to tell him about it but he just gets pissed and tells me it will never happen. That i am his best friend and thats the way he likes it. Well to that I say " If were just friends then why did you still fuck me for a month after you told me were just friends?" I thought i was dealing with this, I thought I could handle this, I thought I could just go back to being his Best friend, but them he IMs me this pic of some chick in Virginia that hes gonna hook up with some time this spring and i start crying and shit and I just can't deal with this. How do you make someone love you? Better yet, how do you make yourself some loving someone? I guess you can't. I guess I'm fucked! He's made it clear that there will never be anything between us again. I just have to figure out how to plug the hole that has been stabbed out of me. sigh. sorry for dumping on yall i just needed to get that out in writing. I hate not having my journal on me!!!!!