when i'm around you, i lose control.
literally.
my mind wanders to wonderous places.
possibilities seem endless.
and however innane or far fetched my unspoken thought may be, you have an uncanny nack for saying something that completely relates to it.
and this is only part of the reason why you blow my mind.
you leave me speechless.
my memories travel back to moonlit nights and opened april windows.
and undisclosed feelings.
and unfulfilled promises.
currently? i find myself biting my own lips.
but id prefer the biting to be done by you.
this syncopation only comes once in a life time.
but i'm forced to remain silent.
i force myself to remain silent.
i can't break your happiness.
all i can think of is the happiness that maybe i could have given you.
because you gave me so much.
and you still do.
but ive hurt you with ignorance. and malicious self preservation mechanisms that should have been disarmed centuries ago.
and you've hurt me. only by being fed up. and finding someone better.
i know im better now. i know for a fact.
i get better every day. im more of a man. in the purest, most respectable sense of the word. not in the masochistic, chauvanist bullshit sense. i spelled many words wrong in that sentence. and i can admit that.
no day goes by without thinking about you smiling.
its so hard to see you now.
but impossible not to.
i feel awful rooting against what you now have.
hoping selfishly that it might find you back in my arms.
i would never be so foolish as to let you go.
in spite of the cats; that make me sneeze.
in spite of the distance; that we both complain about driving.
in spite of the perseverence of my heart.
in spite of me being too afraid to come to your birthday party.
in spite of me not giving you that card that would have told you that you mean the world to me.
i want to fight for you.
but not for the cost of you becoming the casualty.
literally.
my mind wanders to wonderous places.
possibilities seem endless.
and however innane or far fetched my unspoken thought may be, you have an uncanny nack for saying something that completely relates to it.
and this is only part of the reason why you blow my mind.
you leave me speechless.
my memories travel back to moonlit nights and opened april windows.
and undisclosed feelings.
and unfulfilled promises.
currently? i find myself biting my own lips.
but id prefer the biting to be done by you.
this syncopation only comes once in a life time.
but i'm forced to remain silent.
i force myself to remain silent.
i can't break your happiness.
all i can think of is the happiness that maybe i could have given you.
because you gave me so much.
and you still do.
but ive hurt you with ignorance. and malicious self preservation mechanisms that should have been disarmed centuries ago.
and you've hurt me. only by being fed up. and finding someone better.
i know im better now. i know for a fact.
i get better every day. im more of a man. in the purest, most respectable sense of the word. not in the masochistic, chauvanist bullshit sense. i spelled many words wrong in that sentence. and i can admit that.
no day goes by without thinking about you smiling.
its so hard to see you now.
but impossible not to.
i feel awful rooting against what you now have.
hoping selfishly that it might find you back in my arms.
i would never be so foolish as to let you go.
in spite of the cats; that make me sneeze.
in spite of the distance; that we both complain about driving.
in spite of the perseverence of my heart.
in spite of me being too afraid to come to your birthday party.
in spite of me not giving you that card that would have told you that you mean the world to me.
i want to fight for you.
but not for the cost of you becoming the casualty.