thyrist

Warning!! This will be long and depressing so if you are in a happy mood please move on! I don't want to bring you down. This entry is for me to get a little clarity in my head. With that said here I go.
As those of you local Dallas SG'ers and others that may read my journals know I have had a very messed up relationship with my ex. A year ago she hits me with the news she wants to date a guy (Steve) who she always told me she was only "friends" with. I trusted her when we were dating and it bit me in the ass. So I cut her out of my life after of course the 2 foolish months that I spent trying to win her back. What was I thinking? Well at the time we were like best friends and I missed that. But I have plenty of others and what kind of friend was she really? So 4 months passed with me not talking to her. They were long and lonely but in that fourth month I was finally getting my life back together.
Then she called. Her mom was dying and Steve didn't find it important enough to come in town to help her (he lived in Florida). Also during this time that she was spending with her mom in the hospital he accused Christina of sleeping with me because she wasn't so available as he wanted her to be. So back to the call. At first I resisted to get back into her life. I said I would see her mom but not her. Then her and her friends spent all night calling me telling me she needs me. So I let her back into my life. But told her that if Steve was going to come back into the picture that I was not going to stick around. She acted appalled that I would even think that she would let a guy who didn't find the death of his girlfriend's mom important enough to come into town early because he wanted to come in for Halloween back into her life.
So I trusted her again.
I helped her through the death of her mom, dog and loss of job and a variety of other break-downs she had during the next 4-5 months. Meanwhile my friends, family, and SG members told me that she would hurt me again and I needed to get out. But I didn't. Things were going good between us maybe there was a chance for us again.
Well, that brings me to last week. I photographed this floral designer guy (Jeff Leathem- cool stuff) and he gave me a bunch of flowers and stuff to take home and play with. So I invited Christina over and we played and made stuff but I had a couple of Orchids that I wanted to dress up for her and give her later.
Now what is about to happen doesn't make me mad as if she cheated on me (we are still not officially dating) but it's about trust and the promise she made to me. I started to let my guard down and let her back in my life after being hurt and asking her to just not to hurt me again. Also she started saying how she could see me as her husband and father of her children and loved me more than anyone. So, I started caring for her, again.
Well that's all crap!
This past week starting Wed she said how she had 1 plan after another with her friends and I probably wouldn't see her until Sunday. So I trusted her. Thursday night I put together the Orchid and thought wouldn't it be cool if I just dropped it by her place before I went to work? (Can you see what's coming?) So friday I went over to her place (we have each others keys and let myself in and was going to put it in her bedroom. I didn't see her car there so I didn't think anything of it. When I reached her room I saw a lump in her bed. And saw a head rise and say "Hey , Dude." It was Steve. The guy she said she wouldn't let back into her life. The one I said if he came around that I wouldn't be in her life anymore. The one that didn't find her mom's death important enough. So I beat the living shit out of him!!!!! Just kidding! I was in such shock I turned around and left and I fucking even locked the door behind me!
So I called a left a message on her phone saying how I was bringing a surprie to her house and got a surprise of my own. The I called back and left a message asking for anything that was mine and my keys back and that I'm an idiot for trusting her. She of course called and left messages saying that she was going to tell me but wanted to do it gently. Fuck Her! Then she had the gall to make my coming into her apartment more of a deal than me finding Steve in her bed!! I called one last time telling her when she could leave my stuff at my door and that this wasn't worth discussing. Then of course she called back many times saying how I broke Her trust by going in her place. I was fucking going to leave a present!!! But it goes on.
My friends and family(and this is why I love them) didn't say "I told you so". They just let me rant and just told me that I'm not an idiot (which I still think I am). My parents are out of town and I don't think I will tell them. I think it would crush my mom to know what happened. Not because she liked Christina but because she hates to see me sad.
So now I need to figure out how to block her phone calls and emails because she says she not giving up on our friendship. Friendship!!?? If she cared she wouldn't have done this. Not after I gave her my heart after being hurt once before.
There is more to tell of the things she has done to try to get me to talk to her but I'm tired. If you made it through this journal you deserve a prize the next time you see me. Trust is a bitch but I'm not going to let Christina ruin it for me. Because not everyone is like her and a relationship without trust is sad.
Three things I am happy to have:
Friends
Family
and Hope.