thyrist

Okay, so a couple of weeks ago my ex-girlfriend had to bury her mother. Very sad and how could it get worse? Well this is how. A week later we had to put her dog of 11 years asleep. The only thing that she really had left (her dog) and it had heart failure so there wasn't anything that could be done. So how bad does that all suck? Very Bad. And here I am turning into her emotional blanket. So In the span of 1.5 months I've gone from not talking to Christina to helping with her sick mom to helping with her mom's funeral to helping with her fucked up family, to helping with her sick dog to helping put her dog to sleep! And all of this has put me back into hanging out with her etc. Is this good for me? I doubt it. She says she loves me and thanks me every day for being there which I have no regrets for in the long term but is this good now? She loves me but she isn't necessarily In love with me. And I still don't know what I want. I put my dismal but improving dating life on hold so I can help her trough this but when do I stop? I told her yesterday that we needed to stop spending the night with each other if we weren't sure where we were going. But of course she did something very stupid yesterday which led to her being paranoid (I'll let you guess what it might have been) so I had to pick her up and, although very pissed, comfort her. Excuse me while I sigh real quick........So what now? She wants to plan around my weekend (I work a lot) but I told her not to, that we need to start planning things with other people and if we have time then maybe hang out. I just wish it was easy just to call someone up and ask for a date and then move on with my life but I am never interested in girls that would be that uncomplicated. So if you see me in a bar with friends please humor me and flirt a little. I'm pitiful at it and wil probably make lame jokes but I could use the boost of confidence.
I call these journals Emotional Vomit.
I hope everyone is well and Please write if you have a chance and it doesn't have to be on this journal. I like randomness.