So this past year has been one of my toughest. Which also led to a heart condition of the worst kind. A very persistent cough. Congestive heart failure. It was a self destructive course I had set myself on. It initially started with this girl I was trying to see but, was not able too. It simply was I wanted her for myself and she wanted me for lie telling and bill paying.
I had ignored the signs more often then not. Towards the end of it when i found it she was using the money I gave her to marry some other guy I was drinking myself to death. She had mentioned to me her and I were going to get married but, since one of her main goals was to lie to me every chance she had of course that plan fizzled out.
I had to take a long deep stare into my soul and deal with what was there. My heart was beating 30% of its blood capacity out. A number below 20% means a person can technically die heart failure, heart attack, etc. So my serious binge drinking I had to face a very abrupt end to it or face a very bad case of deadness. So let us say the drinking has ended. And from the way the doctors were freaking out. and setting up mass test and appointments and really quick order within a day after an ekg.
I was pissed to I just bought a bunch more booze now that I can't drink and had a couple of bottles of absinthe coming in. The doctors right now don't know if its the alcohol fluid issue that can build up around the heart with chronic drinking or just cholesterol. So either the steak will kill me or the vodka will.
So dating again. Well..... Maybe 2017 might be a better time line for that. Right now not being able to breathe or sleep or anything else. I have more immediate concerns then dating someone. The woman I was seeing before the crazy money draining lying bitch if possible I would like to be with her. I never considered being with an ex again but considering what I ran into lately. So far that previous one is taking care of me lately. She has done a lot for me.
Now the only thing I look forward to is endless doctor appointments. Being only 46 years old and being in the same wing of a hospital as 70, 80 and 90 year olds. Granted I needed to find a better more constructive outlet to deal with personal grief than drinking myself to death I did need a life style change for it. Just not all at once. :)
Now this discusses way more of my false then I care to admit and life for me isn't all bad. And most of us do know if we have bad stuff in our life the person who most likely put it there is the one starting at you from the mirror. Mine was giving that user more of my time and effort than I should have. We had known each other for a year or so through all this 364 days 23 hours longer than I should have indulged. At the end I just reminded myself I just hate stupid people and I had been WAY to forgiving and tolerate of her and things.