Anxiety, meet the SG community. SG community, this is Anxiety.
It’s interesting what happens when you finally get what you want. Me, I’ve clammed up. Full on shell-mode, with maybe a peek out when it’s dark, but the moon has to be full and there have to be dancing virgins.
Anyway, there’s my first shitty joke, which is a good introduction to me, the queen of bad jokes and sarcasm. And memes, I excel at memes.
I digress. I’ve been waiting to write this post until my first set was accepted and put into the queue for MR. Now that it has and I’m a Hopeful, I’ve taken to hiding from all forms of social media because I genuinely don’t know how to handle it when one of your longtime dreams comes true.
I’ve wanted to join SuicideGirls since I was a sophomore in high school, 21 years ago. I remember girls talking about this new website with tattooed and pierced models, and I thought how cool that was. I had been mildly exposed to the alternative lifestyle, so I knew I liked things of that nature, but the SG models were on a different level. I had never before seen such beautiful women with piercings, tattoos and funky hair. It opened my eyes to what is considered attractive, and had a huge impact on me, both as an individual and as a female.
It never really crossed my mind to try to do this, myself. Besides knowing that nobody amongst my family or friends (at the time) would understand or be supportive, I had a massive lack of self-esteem. Years later, I still have a huge lack of self-esteem, but I finally have the support to pursue such a taboo dream, which has, in turn, led to the confidence to submit a set. Which is the beauty of SG, that a person can be almost 37 years old and submitting their first set.
When I finally made the decision that I was going to do this, I joined the website as a member because I wanted to be involved ASAP. I’m impatient, and I didn’t know how long it would take to get my set submitted. I’m sure several of you have wondered what exactly I’ve been doing here haha. Making friends, is my short answer. I found my comfort zone in the alternative lifestyle years ago, and submerging myself in it just feels right.
If you read this ramble, I appreciate you. In approximately 3 months, when my set goes live, I’ll most likely be hiding again. Any silence on my part is not from a lack of caring, just sheer terror, and I will be poking my head out again when those virgins start dancing.
