warning: this will be yet another sad bastard post, please be advised...
i've always been the one not to ask for help, to solve any and ever problem i got myself into by my own and probably other's problems as well. i've tried to be a self sufficient and self reliant as i could. not wanting to be some one else's burden.
i can do everything on my own, i tell myself. this has all worked for me until now. i finally asked for someone else's help, extended my hand, exposed this sad little muscle found under neath layers or skin and bone. i am sure you can all guess what happened next.
i'm pretty much crushed.
yes, i should have expected it. i should have fucking known this would happen. when will i get it through this thick head of mine that everyone will let you down, it's just a matter of when. i would honestly like to see the good in others, have a little faith in them even, but i only get dropped in the dirt in the end. it's just this time i thought i might have a chance, that someone might surprise me, that maybe my fucking miserable luck had changed.
of course not. fuck. of course not.
my life is just a series of disappointments, lies, betrayals, and broken hearts. i honestly have no idea how i keep it all together and going. i'm truly surprised i still have a heart that beats at the end of the day, although i have my suspicions that those days are severely numbered.
i need to give up, to let go, to remind myself that i can only trust myself.
i will forever be someone's mistake. i'm simply the catalyst in their life that allows them to get their life in order while they crumble mine to bits. i will never find "it." i will never be married, or find pure love. i need to remember this. i need to guard myself a little better. keep this is mind. don't forget it. don't slip up again. don't get caught off guard again.
i will whisper this to myself from now on, under my breathe, close to my heart.
i'm running out of hope and this chin is much too heavy to keep up anymore. i honestly don't think i can make it. even though i helped create this tumbling down house of cards, it always gets the best of me.
a running cliche of strewn together words can never tell the true pain encased is this useless muscle beneath my chest. you simply have no idea.
i've always been the one not to ask for help, to solve any and ever problem i got myself into by my own and probably other's problems as well. i've tried to be a self sufficient and self reliant as i could. not wanting to be some one else's burden.
i can do everything on my own, i tell myself. this has all worked for me until now. i finally asked for someone else's help, extended my hand, exposed this sad little muscle found under neath layers or skin and bone. i am sure you can all guess what happened next.
i'm pretty much crushed.
yes, i should have expected it. i should have fucking known this would happen. when will i get it through this thick head of mine that everyone will let you down, it's just a matter of when. i would honestly like to see the good in others, have a little faith in them even, but i only get dropped in the dirt in the end. it's just this time i thought i might have a chance, that someone might surprise me, that maybe my fucking miserable luck had changed.
of course not. fuck. of course not.
my life is just a series of disappointments, lies, betrayals, and broken hearts. i honestly have no idea how i keep it all together and going. i'm truly surprised i still have a heart that beats at the end of the day, although i have my suspicions that those days are severely numbered.
i need to give up, to let go, to remind myself that i can only trust myself.
i will forever be someone's mistake. i'm simply the catalyst in their life that allows them to get their life in order while they crumble mine to bits. i will never find "it." i will never be married, or find pure love. i need to remember this. i need to guard myself a little better. keep this is mind. don't forget it. don't slip up again. don't get caught off guard again.
i will whisper this to myself from now on, under my breathe, close to my heart.
i'm running out of hope and this chin is much too heavy to keep up anymore. i honestly don't think i can make it. even though i helped create this tumbling down house of cards, it always gets the best of me.
a running cliche of strewn together words can never tell the true pain encased is this useless muscle beneath my chest. you simply have no idea.