thirteenpumpkins

Well, the seasonal period draws closer. I see the festive decorations in the store windows and the pretty lights illuminating the trees along the sidewalk as the bitter cold Lake Michigan wind blows relentlessly.

I pull my hoody up and clasp it to my face in a desperate bid to keep the chill out, but still it manages to find a way in, freezing me to my very soul. I am usually getting in the festive mood about now, but I seem to have overlooked it thus far. In all honesty, as much as I love the holidays and the trimmings and the cosy warm feeling it gives you inside, I feel it may be passing me by this year. Sometimes this loneliness is agonizing, and I want nothing more than to talk about nothing to someone, sometimes I adore it and savor it. Sometimes I want to reach out and put my arms around someone, but there is no-one there to return it.

Sometimes the silence is deafening.

I miss my folks back in England, I miss my friends there too. I have been very glad of the fact that I have'nt really had any 'homesickness' up until now, but its when you get to the times like this that it really does affect you, and boy, do I feel far away.

Everyday worries seem to be bogging me down too, you know, the ones we all have, money, work etc. I try so hard to be good with money, I really do, but sometimes I still slip up.

I hope that the new year will bring new beginnings and new promises. New goals and most of all, renewed strength. I am a strong person, but even the strong have there vulnerabilities don't they? I don't even really know what this is all about, but thanks for listening