theyerg

i am just sitting here at home eating lime green jello. i am not sure how i feel. how i feel about anything. i don't think i am in the numb phase, but i know i don't feel any sort of clear cut emotion either.
everything with me is extremes. i either do or i don't. total black and white on the big things. its the middle ground shit that i am grey on. well, the middle ground shit always seems to be relationships and stuff of that sort i guess.
i don't know how i feel about people i am with. i can say things to a woman. i can do things to a woman. i can make a woman feel amazing. not bragging. i can. how do i feel about it though? hollow afterward.
either my fault or theirs (mostly mine) they leave. do i regret anything i have done? some of it. do i learn from it? not really.
i feel good making others feel good. but when does that turn into something? do i want it to turn into something?
how the fuck should i know?