sometimes i sit back and think about how my life would be different if i didn't make certain decisions. i wonder what my life would have been like if i never left PA.
i was in a relationship and working as a purchasing agent for a construction company in central PA. things weren't bad, but it was still just my first real job. as for the chick, i met her and cheated on her boyfriend to be with me. she was from the town i was living in (i wasn't) but living about an hour and a half away. after a couple of months of sneaking, she left him and we were exclusive. it was great.
then she had a melt down of sorts. i took time off of work to take care of her. bathed her, fed her, took her to doctors, and held her when all she could do was cry. i was in love.
the projects at my job were wrapping up. the first day of a construction job, you start to work your way out of a job. i was thinking of moving to philly with her and maybe taking a gig with a buddy as a corporate headhunter. but then the project manager told me to put together a resume and submit it to the home office in charlotte.
then as her and i were hitting nine months, she told me that she wanted to go back to her ex that she left for me. i was crushed. i was angry.
the following week, my boss asked if i would be interested in a position with the international division in charlotte doing mechanical buying for embassies around the world. i jumped at it. mainly because it was an amazing opportunity, but also because i wanted to get away from her and reminders of her.
two weeks later, she wanted to come back to me. she was sorry and she loved me she said. i told her i was leaving. she was shocked that i was going to move without telling her.
we saw each other a couple times before i left and then she visited once or twice in charlotte, but things were already different. you just can't put the toothpaste back in the tube. can't un-ring that bell. metaphors.
so here i sit in my own house in charlotte thirteen years later. i can count on one hand how many women i have seen for longer than two months since then. i wonder if i would have understood or been capable of a healthy relationship if that didn't happen. if i would be married with kids in some mid-level management job somewhere in PA.
my life is a whole shit ton of not bad. i wouldn't trade my crew of friends, my job, my charity, or my community for that life. sometimes i still wonder...