This may be my last big political rant for awhile, as I know were all exhausted and ready for this week/month/year to be over with. I went to bed last night, somewhat hopeful, but not at all enthusiastic about what the morning would bring. Watching early numbers roll in and seeing that not a lot has changed made it difficult to sleep, but I woke up feeling like I have two options ahead of me.
I can either keep myself wrapped up in anger and irritability, allowing outside influences to ruin my outlook. Or I can take some responsibility for my personality and narrow my focus.
I feel like, even if "we" win, the fight is just getting started. We have to keep working and fighting for what is right. As cliché as that sounds.
If "we" lose, that doesn't mean we give up. I can't believe that "we" are on the wrong side of history here. Maybe we're all just early to the party.
It breaks my heart to see so much Red on the map and it's easy to give into despair. Part of me wishes ill upon those who continue to stand by, in ignorance and apathy, and block progress and meaningful change. Part of me feels like, if this election does end poorly, that the country deserves whatever it has coming.
However, that was how I spent the last four years and it cost me a lot. I chose the wrong year to decide to make myself more socially conscious and and active. There's been a lot of disappointments and anxiety as a result. I've spent the past year feeling like I could just as easily give up, depending on how this year ends.
I'm not feeling as hopeful as I would like to be this morning. It's clear that a lot of people out there are just unreachable and, as I've said before, those people are not worth my time anymore. I just can't deal with that level of toxicity.
Speaking with someone today, I found myself thinking that it would be understandable and almost forgiven for many of "us" to spend the next four years, intellectually checked-out if Trump does win. The thought of another long stretch of his blatantly ugly and selfish behavior is enough to make want to throw out my TV.
Still, this year has had some wonderful surprises and I've been trying, not always successfully, to stay focused on what is going to make me happiest. If that means changing up my employment situation, cutting certain people out of my life, or pushing myself into new situations, then I owe it to myself to do so. Especially if this week ends in disaster.
Trying to stay positive, I can only end this by saying that I will never accept Trump as a worthwhile person or a decent President. We now either have roughly three more months or four more years to endure of his bullshit, then he's gone. Unfortunately, the culture and mindset that he cultivated and nurtured will remain. I have no use for that. I'll go ahead and be smug, selfish, and inconsiderate right back to those types, by saying I'm done with that.
It's not worth poisoning myself over. Nothing will change my view or theirs, so it's time to just move on. There are always going to be those in my life who may not agree with me, but I can choose to keep the ones who are at least willing to listen and talk around. As for those who just don't want to hear anything but their own voice, I have nothing more to say.