This past weekend, my brother was once again trying to prop up my sister with another tough-love-esque pep talk. Without being too harsh on my family, the long and short of it is that my sister has never held onto a job for very long. She's always struggling financially and she has just about as shitty of self-esteem as I do. She is once again thinking of leaving a job, after being there less than a month and it has our dad upset. That's about as into the weeds as I care to get on the matter.
Anyway, my brother once again tried to convey to my sister that she needs to figure out what is going to make her feel the most satisfied, not just in terms of a career but in her life overall. "You gotta stop worrying about everyone else and do what makes you happy." He jokingly said, "If you want to dress up like the Easter Bunny and hop around town, because it makes you happy, then do it. Stop trying to please everyone else and stop worrying about how others will react."
Not entirely horrible advice, but IMO it's not practical, given the dynamic of my family overall. For example, if I had stronger convictions and more confidence, I'd get involved with more social activism activities. I can't say I'm 100% on board with the BLM organization itself, but the gist of what they stand for makes sense to me. Unfortunately, most of my family are either completely against the group or just so uninterested in things like that, that I know I'd have to keep my involvement to myself. My brother's in-laws were over that afternoon his FIL made at least two disparaging comments about BLM. I certainly don't feel like I'm in good company when it comes to my personal views on most subjects when it comes to the majority of people in my life.
So, let's focus on the career aspects of my brother's advice about doing what makes me happy. In that respect, I fully agree. I really don't like my current job and I have never held a job that I can say felt happy in. All I've ever known is factories, warehouses, and department stores. I currently have a position in my company's corporate lab, but it's basically a glorified quality control position. I didn't need any further education or skills to get the job and the work is incredibly dull. If it weren't for the potentially toxic work environment, it wouldn't be quite so bad, but I also have a lot of downtime, so I often spend hours a night doing nothing of value.
I've never been able to narrow down a single passion or interest that I could turn into a career. I've always struggled with school as well and the thought of going back to college, when I'm nearly 42 and completely broke, just doesn't appeal to me. If I had to settle on one thing, one truly ideal dream job, I would love to work on films and television shows, putting together the music selections for the production. Somehow, I don't think my family would quite see the value in something like that, even if it really would make me happy. I don't even know where to start looking, if I wanted such a job. I just get the feeling that I'd have to leave west Michigan for starters and given my age, I probably would not have many directors looking for my self-proclaimed good taste in music. These are probably just excuses, but I don't see them as being unreasonable ones. I'm broke and struggling financially myself. I would not be able to rely on any support from my family either and given how competitive "show business" is, if I were to fall on my face, I don't think I'd get a lot of sympathy either.
Bottom line, I don't know what would really make me happy, even if I didn't really care what other people thought. In truth, the only thing I seem to get any joy from these days, is getting high and listening to music (or watching movies/playing videogames) and that doesn't really fit into society's view of proper behavior or a sustainable lifestyle.
So, yeah. Nothing really makes me happy and the few things I'm somewhat interested in are so foreign and unappealing to the majority of those in my life, that I can't even share those few interests with anyone. What's there really to be happy about anyway?