dont know if anyone read that embarrassing post from yesterday/early this morning.
today is like an episode of twin peaks. after 4.5 hrs of sleep i wake up hung over and thirsty. i drink some water and cannot fall back into sleep. i get angrier... or cranky is more accurate. i am thinking about it all, get worse and worse. then, of all people who never call me, she does at 930 in the morning. invites me for coffee. i agree.
at the store she insists on sitting inside, so i have to do it all in a very quiet voice. which is probably a good thing. and i tell her. that i dont believe anything she says. that no one has ever treated me as poorly as she has. et cetera. i say that i want her to disappear, and that even though i have no right to ask it, i want her to stay away from not only me but my friends as well. she agrees, but as is always the case we find ourselves getting into the details of the whole mess.
and a 20 min coffee turns into a 4 hour discussion. which ends up at my house. where we get sad and have ridiculous pornstar sex.
and then she goes. 'happy new year,' she says. and it hits me: she wont be with me on the holiday. or after that. she will stay away. and i am alone.
so tonight i started a nap at 930. its now 1130 and any minute my friends will call me to see if i want to go with them to georgetown to 'get bombed'. i almost said no when they first called. i was pretty resigned to sitting in the basement in a half-coma, playing grand theift auto. but for some reason i paused, and asked for a call back.
so here i am. do i stay or do i go?
today is like an episode of twin peaks. after 4.5 hrs of sleep i wake up hung over and thirsty. i drink some water and cannot fall back into sleep. i get angrier... or cranky is more accurate. i am thinking about it all, get worse and worse. then, of all people who never call me, she does at 930 in the morning. invites me for coffee. i agree.
at the store she insists on sitting inside, so i have to do it all in a very quiet voice. which is probably a good thing. and i tell her. that i dont believe anything she says. that no one has ever treated me as poorly as she has. et cetera. i say that i want her to disappear, and that even though i have no right to ask it, i want her to stay away from not only me but my friends as well. she agrees, but as is always the case we find ourselves getting into the details of the whole mess.
and a 20 min coffee turns into a 4 hour discussion. which ends up at my house. where we get sad and have ridiculous pornstar sex.
and then she goes. 'happy new year,' she says. and it hits me: she wont be with me on the holiday. or after that. she will stay away. and i am alone.
so tonight i started a nap at 930. its now 1130 and any minute my friends will call me to see if i want to go with them to georgetown to 'get bombed'. i almost said no when they first called. i was pretty resigned to sitting in the basement in a half-coma, playing grand theift auto. but for some reason i paused, and asked for a call back.
so here i am. do i stay or do i go?