thevagrant

listening to the malaguena salerosa, by chignon. i kind of want to learn how to play it. or how to sing it.

anyhow. bloomingdales sent me a catalogue, for some reason, and it is actually very very nice. superthick high quality paper and bound really nicely. i am impressed at how much money they must be spending to send this shit out to tons of people. but i am disappointed with whats inside. i remember (not having been there in forever) that they had better stuff than this. but i have a crush on one of the models.

speaking of models, one e-mailed me randomly from this model database that i am on, just to tell me that i am 'adorable' and have a great look and that she is sure i will be very successful. well, it made my day and all, but i sure am not going to be successful if i keep turning down all these jobs. but they suck, you know? and i sont want to pay my dues again in another new industry. like the last job i got was to be one of those annoying guys at big stadium festivals trying to hawk products for Shell gasoline. who the hell wants to do that?

big boy and i went to ichiban for sushi today, and it was delicious of course. he brought up our buddy that everyone has been talking about. im kind of sick of it. he stole some bottles of pills from my best pals parents and some from his own mom. he took a helluva lot and passed out at home with all the bottles in his lap or something. so at 8 in the morning the next day his mom calls my pals parents and starts accusing them of giving her son drugs, et cetera. so they call my pal and ask him to explain. so he calls the mom and explains. so she calls him back and apologizes. so he goes to see his parents and while there my friend who is responsible for the mess came to the house with his family and they all had a great big 'im sorry' festival. sounds miserable. sounds like they are in high school too, right?

and now homie is talking about taking next semester off and getting into rehab. i say whats the point, because he has an addictive personality and before this it was alcohol and before that it was stimulants and before that pot. he needs therapy, not rehab. not some d-bag telling him there is no such thing as willpower and that he needs to go to a group for the rest of his life to maintain strength. fuck that.

i went to one of those groups. for court, so i wouldnt go to jail. except i got out of AA after a few meetings, and instead agreed to go to a small group that was a little more formal and a little less annoying. or so i was told. so i go, but its the same message, just with a meaner messenger. these kids are told that they have no willpower, that they are addicts (keep in mind these kids are almost all there for marijuana violations) and that it is a disease that they cannot help. every day when you go to group, the first thing you do is go around the group and say how your day/week was. then anyone who used in the last week has to tell everybody, because if you say you didnt and your piss test comes up positive, you can get sent to jail. so, rather logically, more than half of the kids in the group would use every week, and then admit it, and not get in any more trouble than being yelled at for a second. some of them were playing the counselors, saying that they were addicted and just couldnt help it, and some actually believed it. one day i had had a horrible day. a little old lady fell down in my store at 530 in the morning and cracked her head on the tile. i spent the morning filling out paperwork, talking to paramedics, and getting the mess cleaned. i didnt have a chance to take a break, and then my dad called me and told me that i was being sued by this lady for $100,000 (a whole other story). then i got into my car and left for druggie group, but i realized after i got on the highway that there was gum all over my left shoe, and that it had spread to cover the clutch and some of the floor mat. after an accident, traffic wasnt moving and it took me 2 hours to get there. i was livid. they asked me how my day was, and for the first time i gave them a full and honest answer. they asked why i was still angry. so i told them that i was still pissed because after working all day i had to fight traffic to get halfway across the metro area to sit and listen to a bunch of bullshit with a bunch of loser kids who really hadnt done anything wrong but be kind of immature. and i told them that i thought their program was pointless and that they were fraudulently taking money from families while just taking advantage of the fact that if these kids didnt 'complete' (meaning just not getting kicked out of) a program theyd be in jail. i was pulled aside after group and told that i could not say things like that in front of the others. i said it was the truth, that they just gave people an excuse to keep using drugs because all the focus was on them not being able to help it, because they had a disease that they couldnt control. i was released (with good standing!) from the group. 6 months early! sweet deal, huh?

im reading this other guys thing. . . its probably a bad idea to sleep with your best friends little sister, right?

er, so thats enough rambling and storytelling for one day.