thetotalm

Thank you all so much for your support. It means allot that some of you whom I have never met care enough to wirte kind words about me and take time see how I am doing. It really makes a diffrence. I am doing better today. I took a walk and listend to a dane cook CD. I was going to go see Madagascar but my dad had allot of stuff he needed help with since he's leaving tueday so I stuck around and helped him out. He's super excited about his trip to Vegas. I just hope he has a good time and dosnse't worry about me.

Anyway I made a list of some of the smaller things in life that I appreciate. I think you all should like these. I found it kind of refreshing to sit back and wite this list.

1.fresh mulch
2. hugging people
3. watching my pets eat there food
4. fresh rain after a storm
5. A thunderstorm
6. really hot days
7. being nice and warm underneath my electric blanket
8 fresh fruit
9. a nice beer after a really good meal
10. coffee anytime anyplace
11. surpring someone with a gift
12. having a good pipe
13. laughing till I cry
14. buying new clothes
15. sleeping babys
16. kissing someone good morning
17. the smell of wood burning
18. plain doughnuts
19. the funny pages
20. a nice hot shower and shave

and thats it nice and simple. some of you may think some of those things are stupid but I dont really care what other people think anymore. I need to start only caring about myself. One thing I"m going to do after my sisters wedding is take up boxing. Its sometinng I've wanted to do for a long time. Whether I fail or become real good isn't the point irs what I want to try. I just have to find a boxing gym.

and someone also mentined to me today that I dont' respect myself. I thought about this all day. At first I was a little hurt but then I realized it wasn't meant to hurt me but it was meant for me to realize that I have so much to live for and probally lots to give as well but I can't forget about myself. I've always been too hard on myself. If I screw up, hey its not like the world will end. People mess up all the time. Even if its at a job..as long as you learn from it.

From now on no more being sorry for who I am. Yes I have problems but I also have a ton to offer someone and if they don't see that then I need to make them see that. Also no more feeling sorry for myself, sure I"m allowed to go rhough deporession but no more suicide, its giving up and I won't give up on myself. I'm not saying I'm going to go out and take on the world tomorrow but I will try to start living life the way I want to and not the way everyone tells me too. And if I screw up then life goes on and i try to fix it no more worrying about what I should have done diffrent . LIfe is to short to constatly be worried.

I feel re-energized today, and I hope it lasts....no I will make it last. I'll talk to you all soon.

-T